THE DREAMY'S EYES

The Hero Dies in this One

2011-05-09T16:58:00.003+08:00

For roughly 5 months, I’ve stopped writing, when writing is one of my greatest passion and something I thoroughly enjoy doing. There were two main reasons that I stopped writing, one of which being that I didn’t have any inspiration and just couldn’t write anything. However, this came after I abruptly stopped writing because I refused to do so – or rather, I placed a gag order on myself.

You see, I wouldn’t want to write anything in the heat of the moment and potentially cause a whole lot of damage on what was already a tricky condition that I was dealing with. Any wrongly-worded sentences or poor choice of words could lead to a fight or argument that I really wouldn’t want to be involved with. It’ll be too exhausting both physically and mentally.

I really wouldn’t want every single word in every single sentence in every single blog post to be scrutinized or dissected because it can easily lead to problems and misunderstandings that might exert a whole lot of energy and emotions. I really didn’t want that, hence why I imposed a gag order on myself, which as you can tell, lasted almost half a year.

After awhile, the self-imposed gag drained me of any will or inspiration to write again, and I almost deleted this blog. The inspiration soon came back – though through the form of an amazing person I might never be able to be with; which is a sick joke that shows how Karma is just twisted in her head, but I digress.

So, as documented in the previous, recent posts, I started writing again – and most of what I’ve written is about the inspiration, although there were mention about my past, which I did solely for creative writing purposes. Of course, every word was dissected and taken as a malice attack, which it wasn’t, and I was subsequently attacked as well.

*Deep breath*

Now, I know I’m not perfect, and I never claimed to be. I also might appear to be all fine and dandy, but deep down, I’m hurting. I don’t have anyone that I can tell every single detail of my life or problems to, and it makes it harder because I have to keep things to myself. Alas, that is life, and I should just suck it up and move on.

The thing about maintaining my silence is that most people might never know my side of the story, and would judge me by the single side of the story – which is still true, but just lacking my own perspective, because it’s funny, how a similar story would be different through different eyes. I guess most of the people who know me won’t ever hear my side of things, but I guess that’s okay.

My biggest regret though, the girl who has become my inspiration, someone who I can’t seem to take my mind off lately, she might not know my side and what I saw through my eyes, and I do hope that she won’t see me for through someone else’s eyes, but she’ll see me through her own and what she’s seen in the past month or so. If not, it would definitely hurt, but then again, I never was anyone important to her in the first place.

In the end, I’ve become a mere afterthought and I guess I shouldn’t really complain and concentrate on what really matter in my life right now – hopefully something attainable. I’m just tired and I don’t want to fight, I don’t want my every word to be dissected and be considered as an attack and I don’t want to be involved in anything that might lead to more disappointments, I just want to be able to genuinely smile again, I just want that – even if it kills me.

So because of that, you’ve just read my last blog post here in “The Dreamy’s Eyes.”

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

2011-04-30T08:37:00.009+08:00

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying; talked about her Kübler-Ross Model, commonly known as the The Five Stages of Grief. The five stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.

This is my story.

I smile because it’s easier than trying to explain why I’m sad? Well, to be fair, I’m probably not that sad. I mean, yeah, it hurt for a little while, but I’ve moved on. Let’s face it; I’m a big boy now. I’m no longer the depressed old boy that cries when he gets his heart broken. I’m stronger than that, and I know that for a fact.

After all that I’ve gone through during my life, and all the heartaches I’ve faced before, my heart at present is as strong as steel, bro. Surely I’m not going to go get myself all worked up about this, I’ve grown up and I’m going to be 24 this year, I’m an adult now, this petty matters of the heart doesn’t hurt a single bit.

It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed off. For months after the break up, I tried to respect the break up, respect your feelings. I mean, I refrained myself from going on dates or try to be involved in any way with anyone because I don’t want to make you feel that I’ve abandoned you and moved on just like that.

Then what did you do? You got together with the guy you swore to me was just your friend and that nothing was going on. Not only that you were practically seeing him every single day after our break up, you blocked me from Facebook after you get together with him, when you used to always confront me whenever you think I was with someone new and get mad at me on it. How in the world is that fair?

But you know what, its fine. I’ve said that if you’re happy, and good for you, I shouldn’t really be angry. In fact, right now, there’s someone amazing who holds my heart. I should be okay, right? I hope so. I mean, my ex could be happy with her new beau, while I, I could be happy with this new someone – who is my inspiration, who is making me able to write again. Things would work out.

To my inspiration, you know who you are; I hope that you’re reading this because you brought a smile to my face that hasn’t been there in a while. I mean, I’ve faked smiles before – and a whole lot of it the past 4-5 months, but you brought genuine smiles to my face. As long as you’re still around, my smile will stay intact.

Looking back, that would be the problem. Will she be around for long? Will she be around for good? Under normal circumstances, I would be optimistic, but this isn’t normal circumstances, she has her own ‘attachments’ which is holding me back from reigning free and expressing what’s inside of me and showing her all of my worth. The whole situation right now just sucks.

This sucks because my inspiration has brought me bundles of joys that I am now, for all intents and purposes, on cloud nine. What scares me is that the high likelihood that she’ll leave and as high as I am, I’ll be viciously dumped back to Earth with my heart crushed yet again. I seriously could not take yet another painful episode.

At the end of the day though, those painful episodes are the things that defines who I am today. I’m sure it’s easy to forget, but I am Adderly Shah, and that means a lot. It means a lot because I earned the right to use my name as an adjective that is synonymous to greatness. Without these painful episodes, I would probably still be the immature, bratty boy that has not feel true pain before. I am a man because of the pain that I’ve gone through.

As for the inspiration though, I guess I’m just going to take up the advice from the old adage, whatever happens, happens. Presently she is the reason that I wake up with a smile on my face and she is the reason I have an extra spring in my step and probably the reason I’m using old clichés. But if the relationship with her doesn’t turn out to be the way I hoped it would be, yes, it would suck immensely, but I still have the pleasure of knowing her and be in the presence of her smile.

There is no doubt that she’s an inspiration that got me writing again, and I’m grateful for her – in more ways than one.

Just Can't Get Enough

2011-04-26T22:14:00.002+08:00

I haven’t written in about 4-5 months, and now I’m posting my third blog post in as many days. Surely there’s something going on here. Talk about inspiration, I’ve got it right here. Work have been kicking my ass, so this shouldn’t be a long post (unless I start to ramble, which is a major possibility) because there’s only one thing that I need to talk about – and it’s about the inspiration.

You see, the inspiration has been wonderful to me and she never ceases to amaze me, to which, she asked me; “what did I do to deserve that?”

I paused at the question because quite frankly, the answer is everything. I mean; my first text to her, she could’ve ignored me, but she didn’t. She could’ve just said no when I asked her out, but she didn’t. She could’ve just not see me ever again after that – but she did, today, hence making me feel extremely happy that up until this precise moment that I’m typing this, I can’t get the stupid smile off of my face… not that I’m complaining or anything.

Oh yes, she came to see me today. Granted, it was probably a coincidence because them cupcakes that she bought were supposed to be good – and she came to buy them and just so happen to see me. Of course, fair enough, everyone knows that cupcakes > Adderly, but I digress. The point, however, still stands; she managed to sneak 30 minutes or so to see me.

You know what; I’ll take 30 minutes with her over not seeing her at all anytime.

I know that I may sound like this smitten young boy, and perhaps I am, but I’m not stupid. I still know of the obstacles that could ultimately crush me, because quite frankly, I’m treading dangerous waters and it might be hard for me to bounce back after this. That said, I’m going to enjoy the ride and hope for the best, because while it may seem early days, I can immediately tell that she’s going to be worth it.

So I’ve seen her twice in the space of 3 days, and really, right now, it still doesn’t seem enough. I just can’t get enough of her.

Landslide

2011-04-25T21:03:00.010+08:00

"Statistically speaking, one out of every 99 problems will, in fact, be of a woman."

-- LIFECOACHERS, Twitter.

But what if it's not a problem? What if it's a good headache - a headache that you would want? Sure, essentially, it would still be a headache, but something that you would welcome. What if it's exactly what you needed? Say, it's the perfect opening that you've been waiting for to reignite your life as you know it. Would you jump at the chance? I know I would, and I probably did.

It would especially be something worth thinking about if the woman you’re talking about ticks the mental boxes in your head in what you always want in a woman. You see, I've always said that I would love to be in the presence of a woman that can match wits perfectly with me, and anything less would just be a disappointment. It's because the fact that having a good, fun conversation is important to me, and in my honest opinion, she has that ability to reel me in.

Of course, not everything comes free, there's always a catch. I mean, she can't be smart, beautiful, amazingly sweet, funny, and essentially a great person with an adorable smile without any strings attached, right?

Now, that is exactly the problem, "attached."

I told myself from the get go that due to that fact, I'm not going to let myself be pulled into her charm, and the sheer amazement that she has to offer, and obviously, just by the existence of this post, you'd know immediately that I've failed.

I wish that things would be simpler, that I could just read her mind and see what's really going through her head. Is it something that would delight me? Or is it something that would break me? I guess not knowing is part of the intrigue that drew me to her in the first place.

She's amazingly nice, so everything she says to me is breaking my walls down, brick by brick. That, however, is in itself a double edged-sword. Because of that, I never know if she says the things she says means what I hope it means or she's just being nice. It's an enigma to me. It's an enigmatic presence that I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world right now. She makes me smile, a genuine smile that hasn't been on my face for a while now.

At the end of this adventure, I would probably end up being embarrassed and hurt - or I could be happy. It may swing towards the former, and might end up buried under a massive landslide, but I guess it's a chance that I would love to take.

If there’s any chance that you’re reading this, you know I’m talking about you. I think I’m smitten and I couldn’t be happier.

Where Eagles Dare

2011-04-24T19:58:00.007+08:00

Let’s see if I still remember how to do this.

It's snowing outside, the rumbling sound of engines roar in the night

The mission is near, the confident men waiting to drop from the sky

The blizzard goes on, but still they must fly

The last 4-5 months have been, for the want of a better word; interesting for me. In that time frame, I have felt the most excruciating of pain, the deepest pit of loneliness, the flame of anger with short bursts of smiles from time to time in between the major trifecta of emotions. The changes and multitude of emotions were making me somewhat, for the lack of a better word; unstable.

With all the said emotions engulfing me, I swore to never write again, lest I’ll be too caught up in my emotions and say things that I might not be able to take back. However, just because I didn’t share my side of the story, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have any, and I shall continue to keep mum about it, but I digress. I guess as time wore on, I couldn’t bring myself to write, and privately decided to just stopped writing and close this blog.

Of course, I can’t really do that because there are things written here that is just pure gold. It probably is not gold to you, but golden to me nonetheless. Every post here reflected my emotion at the time of writing and is a reminder (whether painful or otherwise) of my life that I’ve been through.

However, I do feel that I need to write and the past couple of months have mentally prevented me to do so, but I’ve realized that there’s a reason that the past is in the past, and that it should remain there and treated as such.

No one should go where eagles dare

Bavarian Alps that lay all around, they seem to stare from below

The enemy lines a long time passed, are lying deep in the snow

Into the night they fall through the sky

Despite how a whole load of things that has happened to me, I still couldn’t find a reason to write. I mean, I’ve watched the KBM Debate Unit debacle, I’ve reunited with fellow classmates, I’m going to graduate soon, I got hit by a motorbike, I worked in Maybank, I’m working in PETRONAS and have been on a 14-day vacation, err, training in Bangi, and basically a whole lot of things happened.

I lacked the motivation to write, the insight to let loose on the keyboard, and let my brain and my heart do the talking. There was something missing. Probably I was afraid I couldn’t write well or string words together to make readable sentences for people to read (not that people are reading my blog or anything) lest I end up rambling like I always do. Something was definitely missing.

The roaring of guns are echoing all around the valley

The mission complete

They make to escape away from the eagles nest

They dared to go where no one would try

They chose to fly where eagles dare

Being able to write again might not seem like a big deal or a big challenge, but it’s still something to get through and while it took me a long time to pull it off, I did. I’m glad to say that I’m back.

In the end, all I needed was just inspiration to fly again.

Revelations

2010-12-18T22:53:00.003+08:00

I'll be the first to admit that I'm afraid of growing up. I'm terrified to be precise. The next step in my life should come easily, but it isn't and if you ask me honestly, it's because none of the option appeals to me. That is the reason why growing up or maybe going to the next phase of my life is just too hard.

Not a single option in front of me appeals to me the very least - and I have a lot of options to choose from. Lets be honest, and I'm saying this without any hint of arrogance or a sense of entitlement, but in all honestly, my options are a lot, even BACC coordinator, Pn. Siti would testify to that. Is it the plethora of options that made things this way, that makes it hard for me to decide? What good are options if none of them truly appeal to me?

I remember towards the end of my part six of BACC, when everyone was busy finding a practicum place; I was indifferent to it. I was one of the last person to get my placement and that's because of my choice and not the employer's decision. I was too transfixed on another goal - to go overseas, which evidently failed.

Everyone were abuzz with practicum, some excited at the prospect of working, most are afraid of the prospect, but I was alone when I was, again, indifferent. You see, I could never have possibly imagined what would happen during the practicum, but I was indifferent to it - simply because, it's not something I wanted to do or enjoy doing. Of course, what actually happened during the practicum further made it worse, but I digress.

I'll admit this one thing that you might have already figure out and I haven't said it out loud truly; I have no passion to work in the accounting/auditing field. Yes, I'm pretty damn good at it, but that doesn't mean that I enjoy it. This point have been illustrated roughly 3 years ago after my diploma when I was deciding on continuing my degree.

I almost went to MassComm for my degree simply because I was jaded with accounting. But of course, somewhere along the line, I got a second breath of interest for accounting and immediately kicked ass. The rest, as they say, is history.

So what now? I'm obviously in a place where I don't enjoy what I'm doing - and I'm not going to lie, the whole practicum experience further perpetuate my dislike for this field; except of course, studying it.

That being said, it's not like there's not a way around it either. You see, as I've mentioned earlier, I'll be the first to admit that I'm afraid of growing up but I'll tell you this though, when the time comes, and believe me, the time will come, I will do it without any hesitations. Just you wait. All of you.

Raise Your Glass

2010-12-10T11:17:00.004+08:00

Ever since my laptop went bust, my heart is unsettled, I can't bear the thought of losing every single thing in my laptop; my laptop is my life. One huge part of my life is my darling girlfriend, Sheril, who recently turned 19.

I've had a major post prepared for her, but along with my laptop, it went bust. So I guess this would render this post to be somewhat simple and not like how I planned it.

You see, after the amazing birthday she's given me, there's no way I can top that - especially since she refused to celebrate her birthday. Plus, there's no way I could top the gift that she's given me on my birthday - the phone (obviously Rosal did, but I digress).

I guess in the end, I settled for giving her multiple small gifts from Bernie Bustaman - her pet rabbit to small things like her rempit shoes, t-shirts, Ipanemas (I have no idea how to spell them) and her MAD collection.

In retrospect, it kinda sums up our relationship really. Or rather my side to her. I can't always give her the great gesture that I want - always seem to fall short, but I would try to give her little things to make her happy. I really do hope she enjoyed it - her birthweek :)

And whatever happens, and whatever the circumstances, I still think that she's way awesome beyond words.

I love you, and I proudly raise my glass to you, Sheril :)

Shut Up and Drive

2010-12-08T12:13:00.004+08:00

If there's something that I do have in abundance, that'll be confidence. From the swagger in my walk to the cheeky grin on my face and basically the way I bring myself to the world, confidence isn't really something that I'm lacking.

Confidence is also a key element required when driving.

I'm a firm believer that if you're confident enough, your driving would be good and safe. You know what you're doing and how you're doing it - either you just got your license yesterday or ten years of experience. I feel that a person who is confident of driving. even after one day of getting his or her license than someone who has been driving all their life, without any confidence in them.

Some of you might know that couple of weeks ago, I was driving Sheril's MyVi on the Federal Highway from Shah Alam, and we got into an accident, everyone was fine, the car wasn't , I got a fine and I thought that. Everyone moves on, simple enough.

Or so I thought.

I realized yesterday, maybe because of my fever, maybe it's not, but I seem to lack my confidence in driving. I mean, I'm somewhat hesitant in trying to drive like I always do, and it sucks. My confidence seemed to be shattered. Well, not really shattered, because I can still drive properly from point A to point B, but I'm not as confident as I used to be.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise for me to drive safely.

Maybe I should just shut up and drive.

Fat

2010-12-06T10:25:00.006+08:00

In the years before, or simply put, the years that is NOT 2010, I somewhat was very diligent in trying to exercise, if not having exercise done naturally for me. Exercising was a routine that was part of my every day.

I mean, back then - which seems like a lifetime ago, exercising was a norm. From the moment I wake up, before Subuh, I would take 15-30 minutes to exercise, but then again, I've got the room all to myself, but I digress. Then I would walk to class every single day, and arrive at KBM before 7 am, just so I can check the Internet - these were the pre-broadband days.

After hectic classes, which would include me only eating lunch, I would again, walk back home, sometimes under the searing heat and rest. Then, around 5-6 pm, I would either spend another 30-45 minutes exercising at home - my full length mirror really does help my vanity and improve the self-esteem, but again with the digressing. Well, I would either exercise, or follow my housemate to go jogging.

Even back in high school, I used to go to the gym all the time. I even got the card where if you go to the gym 10 times, you'll get one session free. The stamp card kind of thing.

But the only problem I had was that I was too skinny. I mean, someone once told me that I was too skinny to actually be able to shape myself, and I believed them - which led to me being complacent with my exercising and eventually stopped. I'm looking at you, 2010.

I always promised myself that I would gain a little weight so that I can properly exercise and shape myself. Oops. I guess I overdid it. I need to really start to take care of my body and fulfill my own promise to look good and have a decent body. Being fat is not really awesome, and is slowly, but surely diminishing my self-confidence.

The Beauty and the Fatty (not in that order).

Sheril was probably right when she said that we don't even look good together anymore. I think that it's because I've become too fat and looking ug-leh. I need to start working out or do something now.

... maybe in 2011.

God Save The Queen

2010-12-03T15:27:00.004+08:00

I'm no Englishman by all means, but I'm a fan of their league -- football league; but you already know that. I'm sure by now that any person that reads about sports would know that England was one of the bidders to host the 2018 World Cup, succeeding Brazil. I'm sure that you would also know that Russia is elected to be the 2018 hosts and Qatar 4 years later.

Now, I'm not going to go all technical, but I've read FIFA's report on the nations that applied to be the hosts of the World Cup, and without being biased, England is arguably (slightly ahead of Spain/Portugal) the best country to hold the World Cup. Their fans of the league is passionate, state-of-the-art stadiums, best facilities and infrastructure and transportation system. Even FIFA President; Sepp Blatter said that England is the only bidding country that can host the World Cup "tomorrow."

I'm not going to cry "Disgrace" and say that FIFA is "rotten to the core" like some might do, but really, come to think about it, it does seem like England always get the short end of the stick, especially from FIFA and UEFA -- especially UEFA President, Michel Platini. It does seem like England is hard done by, especially when they were knocked out of the first round voting, with only two votes.

England improved on their 2006 bid by going full force; sending a future King; Prince William, Prime Minister; David Cameron and former captain and superstar David Beckham to save the bid, but alas, so crooked was the FIFA delegates who promised them their votes, it doesn't matter if the three superstars went to back the bid or the three stooges.

Russia, who is branded as a 'mafia state' and barely have enough decent facilities were chosen to be the hosts. It was chosen simply because Sepp Blatter has taken a liking to them more than England.

It's funny really, it would be amazing if England managed to host the World Cup, especially with the passion of the sport there, but Russia managed to be the hosts ahead of them and another favorite Spain/Portugal in 2018, while Qatar, who never qualified for the World Cup before will include air-conditioned stadiums in their World Cup, ahead of United States, Japan, Korea and the hosts of arguably the best Olympics in 2000, Australia.

C'est la vie.

Whatever happens, come World Cup in Brazil in 2014, followed by Russia and Qatar the years after, I'll still be hyped up. It is the World Cup after all.

She Works Hard for the Money

2010-12-01T02:40:00.004+08:00

If there was anyone who worked their asses off this past weekend, is the organizing committee for the foundation programme inaugural public speaking championship 2010 - most specifically, the convener; Sheril.

Never have I seen such a tournament being conducted under the amount of pressure and problems that this tournament have to go through, especially from the higher management that refuses to help their students, which is utter bullshit in my not-so humble opinion because they should be encouraging them to do all of this instead of finding ways to break their spirits. Bunch of bureaucratic bitches, but I digress.

The hardships that they've gone through and the sheer amount of work that Sheril, in particular have to do is beyond comprehension and way beyond her core duties to achieve the what was probably unachievable.

Sure, looking back, it wasn't perfect, but the fact of the matter is this the fact that this tournament, that was probably deemed to fail by the bitches in upper management (good job again in educating your students by the way), succeeded and achieved it's mission is a good way of shoving it up their collective uptight arses.

It was by all means, a success.

Congratulations to everyone who done their part in making it a success from the organizing committees to the participants and everyone involved, congratulations.

Congratulations, Sheril.

I'm ever so proud of you - even if I don't show it the way you want me to.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2010-10-05T12:04:00.003+08:00

“You can’t always get what you want”

The past weekend was supposed to be great; it promises fireworks reminiscent of this exact time last year. It was a weekend of the MEBA dinner and a debating tournament. I won’t go into details on what happened last year, but let’s be honest; the same weekend last year was awesome beyond compare that it’s normal for me to expect the same.

Well, maybe that’s the thing, I expected so much from one weekend, and it’s unfair. This same weekend last year set the bar so ridiculously high, it’s unfair to ask for something similar or more. I’m digressing from the real point like I always do best.

I’m not going to talk about the MEBA dinner lest I’ll look conceited, but what I am going to talk about is the Independence Cup Debating Championship 2010 that ended last weekend.

First of all, heartiest congratulations to ‘BAS Kucing Gemuk’ who succeeded me in lifting the ICDC trophy, and believe me when I say that if a team that is not from the faculty of accountancy is going to win it, I’m glad that you guys did. A special mention also goes to Bobo and Noel Meldan who trained them to be the champions that they are.

Second of all, it was no secret that I wanted a team from BACC to win the tournament, and I do believe that they have the weapons in their arsenal to do so, but of course, the better team won. It’s never easy to face losing – especially in a final, but its okay.

Why is it okay? I’m proud of my juniors. I really am. They started without any knowledge of debating, without and proper grasp in English and the world around them – but now, not only do they know how to talk confidently in front of public for 7 minutes, argue about something important and see something from both sides of the coins, I do believe that they are better people because of that.

The team of Ein, Intan and Azzuan shocked everyone but me when they made it to the finals. I knew they had it in them to go far, and they did, and I’m ever so proud of them.

The team of Alyssa, Chitut and Norman also did very well, with Alyssa finishing in the top 10 best speakers, losing out in the quarter-finals only to their own comrades; the BACC Audit, who went on to the final.

Izzati, Syahmie and Misha also did exceptionally well, breaking to quarter-finals, and barely losing to the #2 seed of the breaking rounds. This is a team that barely trained, the people who wanted to quit multiple times, yet managed to debate, and debate well.

“But if you try sometimes well you just might find,

... you get what you need”

Sure, not winning sucks, but what totally made my day is how my juniors, every single one of them came up to me and told me how fond they are of me and how much they are grateful for me. Having them tell me thank you just melt my heart.

Looking at their faces telling me that they’re happy made me happy beyond words. There’s nothing that they can do or say to make me hate them because they’re just awesome and the fact that they showed their appreciation was just something I couldn’t let go.

Ein, Intan, Azzuan, Alyssa, Chitut, Norman, Izzati, Syahmie, Misha, if by any chance you’re reading this, thank you for making all of this worth it. Thank you for not letting me down and I’m ever so proud of you guys. I couldn’t ask for anyone better for my juniors.

I’m also sorry if for the past couple of weeks during training I’ve been hard on you and also for not preparing you guys better for the tournament, but you guys turned out better than I thought, and because of that, I’m proud to call you my juniors.

None of us won last weekend, but believe me, you guys are already winners and thank you for making me feel appreciated. The fact that you did is way better than you guys actually winning the tournament. Thank you.

It’s funny, today is Tuesday, and I’m sure that tonight is going to be lonely without having to go to KBM and train you guys.

Dari Jauh Ku Pohon Maaf

2010-09-10T00:36:00.002+08:00

I’m not perfect; nor do I claim to be (okay, maybe a little bit), so…

For every wrong move I made,

For the lies I told,

For every smile I faked,

For every laughter at your expense,

For the sharp remarks that pierced,

For just being an ass;

I sincerely apologize.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri; Maaf Zahir & Batin.

You Make The Rain Fall

2010-09-09T00:53:00.002+08:00

I miss you.

On another note, maybe I should start investing in a Tumblr.

You've Got A Friend

2010-09-03T00:41:00.002+08:00

Yuyun: Orang cakap, siapa husband dia tak handsome, anak dia mesti cantik.

Yana: Kalau macamtu, anak aku mesti cantik!

*kesian Redha.

* * *

All through my life, I’ve had a whole lot of friends, friends who I hang out with, friends I share my secrets with, friends I share my interests with and basically a whole different set of friends. Unfortunately (maybe fortunately in some cases), friends come and go.

There have been friends who simply drifted away after awhile, friends who just lost contact with, friends who no longer share anything in common, friends where the relationship turned sour or in extreme cases, friends who turned into enemies who loathe just the sight of each other.

What amazes me (or maybe not) is despite everything, there are friends who managed to stick with me – despite seeing each other every day. Admittedly, seeing each other every day can easily cause distress and tension, but in this case, it hasn’t been like that.

Granted, there are cases where there have been some petty squabbles and disagreement here and there, but there haven’t been anything major that could ultimately disrupt the friendship; a friendship where we will always have each other’s back, despite everything.

I guess ultimately, this comes down to accepting each other for who they are, knowing what makes them tick and knowing what to do when something unfavorable is or about to happen. Knowing that I can give sharp jokes and knowing there’s no malice to it, and know that they can depend on me when in need of help and also giving space for each other when needed.

All through the 5 semesters of degree (and then some from diploma), I have had different sets of friends come and go, but they have been constant, not changing in the face of new challenges and maintained their unwavering support for me and for each other, which in the end warms the cockles of my heart.

There have been times that we’ve drifted apart, having our own lives to deal with, new paths on where we’re headed, but after all it’s said and done, things are always the same, and in a time where everything’s changing, people are changing; it’s good to know that you have good friends to back you up that still remains the same.

Thank you Fakhry.

Thank you Yana.

Thank you Rina.

Thank you Yuyun.

Thank you Mayam.

Miss Me

2010-08-31T19:04:00.002+08:00

*Blows off dusts*

Wow, it seems like forever since I've updated my blog. I guess UITM life have really taken a whole lot of my time. This won't be a real post, just a quick update and do know that I'll be back soon. I promise to update more as soon as I can; holidays are coming up, y'know? :)

“UITM life for me is so hectic that my body breaks down and I get sick every Friday.”

True story.

I Miss You

2010-08-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

Saya ada soalan untuk awak.

Boleh tanya tak?

Boleh tak?

Nak tanya nie. Tapi segan.

Boleh tak tanya?

Saya tanya ey?

Err, malu la pulak.

Ok la, saya tanya.

Tapi segan.

Nak tanya ke tak nak?

Tak pe lah.

Tapi saya selalu nak tanya.

Saya tanya eh?

Saya tanya jangan marah tau?

Janji?

Ok.

Saya tanya...

... kenapa awak nie comel sangat?

Evening News

2010-08-03T11:33:00.002+08:00

Sari berita penting:

Adderly merindui teman wanita

Adik-beradik saling berkomunikasi

Berita selanjutnya:

Adderly Shah Shaharudin, juara debat 3 kali KBM dikatakan berada didalam keaadaan yang amat sedih kerana beliau amat merindui teman wanita beliau, Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman; yang juga merupakan juara pidato terbuka Arau baru-baru ini.

Adderly dikatakan bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga kerana bukan sahaja beliau menghadapi masalah untuk memahami pelajaran kelas, beliau juga merindui Tengku Sheril sehingga bermimpi-mimpi akan kehadiran gadis itu.

Ada juga yang mengatakan bahawa mimpi-mimpi Adderly itu terbawa-bawa gara-gara menonton filem yang dilakonkan oleh Leonardo Di Caprio (bukan da Vinci) yang berjudul ‘Inception’ ataupun di alih bahasa sebagai ‘Permulaan.’ Mungkin Adderly terlalu merindui Sheril sehingga membayangkan Sheril muncul dalam mimpinya dan tidak mahu bangun dari tidur.

Saksi mengatakan bahawa Adderly kelak ini sering berkelakuan pelik kerana beliau seringkali berkata bahawa mimpi itu indah bak mentari kerana kehadiran Sheril dalam hidupnya. Beliau juga dikatakan sangat takut untuk bangun dari tidur untuk mendapati bahawa tarikh pada hari itu ialah 1 Januari 2010, di mana beliau tidak mengikut Noel Meldan, Faris Farid dan Rosal Aizuddin untuk menyambut tahun baru.

Walaubagaimanapun, Adderly masih lagi dikatakan amat hebat – walaupun di dalam keadaan sebegitu. Beliau masih lagi mampu bergurau bersama rakan-rakan dan berusaha dalam bidang akademik. Adderly sekarang dikatakan, walaupun masih lagi rindukan gadis kesayanga; Tengku Sheril, berada didalam keadaan yang stabil – walaupun gemuk sedikit.

Berita Hiburan:

Dua adik-beradik; Joanna Nithiya dan Nadhirah Rahman dikatakan saling berkomunikasi sesame sendiri tanpa pengetahuan ibu bapa mereka. Menurut TS Amirah (bukan nama sebenar), mereka seperti ingin mengumpat ibu mereka.

Joanna dan Nadhirah menafikan tuduhan tersebut.

Joanna dan Nadhirah dikatakan sangat rapat di dalam muka-buku, dan mereka juga merupakan dua orang yang sangat hebat – tetapi itu memang satu fakta yang diketahui umum kerana lihatlah, siapa bapa mereka?

Dalam pada itu, pada malam semalam di hotel Concorde, buat julung-julung kalinya, pasukan nyanyian dan persembahan ‘The Ootians’ telah menayangkan kebolehan mereka dihadapan VIP ternama Universiti Teknologi MARA untuk Seminar Majlis Dekan Pendidikan IPTA 2010.

Persembahan mereka dikatakan telah mendapat pujian dan menurut sumber, penyanyi dan gitaris Gloria Eve berkata bahawa dia bersyukur suara beliau tidak hilang setelah bermain hujan tempohari.

Berita Ekonomi:

Adderly tiada duit.

Berita Tempatan:

Sekolah Tinggi Melaka telah Berjaya menewaskan Sekolah Tinggi St. David didalam pertandingan debat antara sekolah jemputan Universiti Teknologi MARA Kampus Bandar. Keputusan itu telah megejutkan para penonton yang dating untuk melihat pertandingan debat tersebut.

Ketua hakim, Aafina Zamil menyatakan bahawa keputusan debat itu bergantung kepada pasukan yang paling kurang menimbulkan masalah dalam debat itu, dan juga kerana informasi yang diberikan oleh pasukan Sekolah Tinggi Melaka itu lebih masuk akal.

Keputusan Aafina itu disokong oleh panel hakim bintang-bintang ternama KBM seperti Noel Meldan - juara terbuka Arau dan pendebat terbaik terbuka Arau; Fariz Syah – ketua pengadil di Terbuka Debat Malaysia, Rosal Aizuddin – abang MPP dan Adderly Shah – 3 kali juara debat.

Ada sebabnya Adderly duduk di situ, sementara anda masih lagi duduk di sana.

Berita Sukan:

Kasut futsal Adderly yang berwarna merah kini berhabuk kerana sudah lama tidak digunakan. Adderly kini sekarang telah bertambah gemuk.

Sekian berita jam 11.

I Never Told You

2010-07-26T19:45:00.001+08:00

Dear Adderly,

How are you? Okay, I know that’s a stupid question, because I’m sure you’re very tired – you always are, especially coming home from work every day. I’m guessing that you’re even too tired to care what I’m about to tell you, right?

Well, suck it up because this is important.

First of all, I know work sucks, but it’s okay, it’ll get better soon, I promise. In fact, those people that you hate or at least hate you would actually be people that you can actually laugh with. Granted, I’m sure that you would rather spend time debating than working, but still.

Speaking of debating… nah, I won’t spoil the surprise.

Okay, so the reason I’m writing this is not to tell you that your work will get better – because I know, right now, the biggest concern in your life is actually surviving work, but there’s something more important for you to know.

On to pressing matters, because I know how I like to digress. I actually want you to know that you shouldn’t really be worried about the matters of your heart. I know that you’re in a state of semi-heartbreak now, but things will only get better, I promise.

You’ll soon meet a girl so beautiful you won’t believe that she’s into you. She has a devilish smile that is ironically very sweet. Her smirk is also something that would melt your heart and would bring a smile to your own face.

She has a knack of making you feel mad but when she tries to be coy with you, it will be the best thing in the world, truly a sight to behold – even though it would annoy the crap out of everyone else; including her mother.

Yes, you would also get to know her parents, both of whom take you in as the boyfriend of their daughter without blinking an eye. Their generosity and kindness is something that hooks you into them – which makes you want to thank God for them, because let’s face it, without them; there won’t be the girl who you would call your girlfriend.

She would also be kind, yes, she can be hot-tempered, strong-willed and emotional at times (probably more often than not), but she compliments you more than anything in the world. She is also sweet, gracious and the very best that you can hope for in a girlfriend.

You’ll also have her as your girlfriend for your birthday – which is a milestone in itself. That birthday would be great where she’ll take you to lunch at Seoul Garden with your friends there waiting before going to karaoke and dinner at Chili’s where you’ll see…

… wait, I’ve spoiled enough already. I won’t even tell you the present she gave you for your birthday, though it’s something awesome. Dare I say, it even surpassed 2007’s birthday. Damn, I’ve said enough already, so when this happen, just act surprised, alright?

Oh also, in the early parts of knowing her, you might want to act all nonchalant and not be too eager to be with her, you might want to play it cool. Then, surprise her once in a while by showing her how much of a romantic you really are. She won’t like the nonchalance, but she’ll like the surprise that you can give by being romantic.

So why am I telling you this? Just to let you know that just because you’re busy with work right now, just because your heart is aching right now, it doesn’t mean that it can’t get better and you won’t taste happiness ever again, instead you’ll be happier than you could’ve ever imagined.

Guess what? You’ll also fall in love with her too, so when the time comes, don’t hesitate, just take the leap and tell her how much you love her, because it’s going to be worth it, trust me. Telling her that you love her is the best feeling in the world.

I know that you’re probably skeptical now, but it’s okay. Right now, all you have to do is wait for tomorrow, and if by any chance you get the opportunity to do something crazy, then by all means, do it because 2010 promises to be a good year for you.

Good luck and try not to screw it up.

Signed,

Future Adderly

(A boyfriend for 5 months)

P/s: You’ll get fat soon, so lay off the cookies, will ya?

P/P/s: ALWAYS wear shoes when going out with her.

Trust me on this.

Rain is a Good Thing

2010-07-25T22:14:00.006+08:00

You know, there are a lot going through my mind right now, and I think now is the best time for me to let it out because keeping quiet just doesn’t seem to work anymore.

I’m not a malicious person; really, I’m not, despite the fact that I can be extra snarky and sharp with my words. I admit to that, but I’m not malicious. This post might seem malicious to some, but really, I’m not being malicious, I’m just trying to address a few things.

There are a few things and issues that I feel the need to address. First of all, despite whatever issues or problems that arises, normal people, when apologizing or apologized to, generally means that things should be over and that’s how it should be.

It doesn’t mean that when one party apologizes – whether he or she actually should have in the first place, it basically means that things should end at that point. Whether or not the other party accepts the apology is not up for debate. However, when the apology isn’t accepted, in fact the one who refuses the apology keeps on attacking the apologizer - that becomes a whole different issue.

Look, I’m not going to sit on a high horse and say that I did nothing wrong, no, far from it. In fact, when the other person who can’t let go, and continue to bash me, I would think that it should be okay for me to have a few snarky lines of my own. Granted, it sounds petty, but it should be understandable.

Yes, I’ve said a few things, said a few snarky remarks that’s designed to humiliate and for self-amusement, but I’ve never set aside a single post to actually attack that person. Granted, maybe a few things I said were of retaliatory manner, but really, should I really be vilified for it?

Apparently so.

According to some people, we are the better people and henceforth should be the bigger people and not indulge in the child’s attempt of trying to bring us down.

So whatever we do to actually retaliate in any shape of form would be vilified and we would immediately be labeled as arrogant and hated on the simple premise of we used the term ‘power couple’ to describe ourselves.

Granted, that nickname isn’t really the most humble nickname in the world, but it was bestowed by a third party, and is used as a nickname of endearment between the two of us and not to show off against other people – Zac was an exception because he was the ex who just couldn’t let things go, but I digress.

Anyways, that same person also mentioned that my need to punch my opponent in the face isn’t going to solve anything (other than a few moments worth of satisfaction).

Well, granted, he may have a point.

But then again, this coming from the same person who says that he wants to punch another person, and maliciously try to bring him down in public (by calling him a dog to boot) – without any good reason other than the fact that this other guy is popular with the girls. So there’s barely any credibility there.

Also, I’m not an asshole – contrary to popular beliefs. In fact, the person who keeps on calling me an asshole is a bigger asshole than I could possibly be.

So what now? I’m sure mutual friends would like us to bury the hatchet so that they won’t feel thorn, and someone also said that the opponents would like to have a real discussion and talk with me to end things once and for all.

My response? They can kiss my ass.

Call me petty because I am being petty, but things have escalated to the point where I couldn’t give two shits about them and they could die and I won’t blink an eye.

You see, even then with my rivalry with the late Amalina Aznina, there was still respect between the two of us, despite us being at each other’s throats. So when she passed away almost 3 years ago, I actually cried and was genuinely sad. These two people however, could just go to hell.

Now, I could go on and be malicious to them, but I already promised that this post won’t be malicious – snarky, yes, but definitely not malicious. Even with no malice, I still stand with my decision. Some people need to be kept at arm’s length, while some could just go to hell.

Look, I’m under no illusions that my decision here would be respected – let alone accepted, but this is what it has come to.

I’ve been the darling the circle of people for awhile now, being the voice of reason, the one who always keeps his cool and all that shebang, so things might change now.

I know I’m going to be vilified for this, but its okay – take a look at my past, I’ve thrived on being the villain ;).

On Bended Knees

2010-07-14T11:42:00.001+08:00

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how you get things back

The way they use to be

Oh God give me a reason

I'm down on bended knee

I'll never walk again until you come back to me

I'm down on bended knee...

Ke Nako

2010-07-13T17:36:00.001+08:00

It may be all over for another four years but the memories of South Africa 2010 will live on - for many varied reasons. Here, I'll give my verdicts on the tournament.

PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT

Xavi Hernandez (Spain)

Andres Iniesta sealed the trophy, David Villa hogged the goals, but once again Xavi Hernandez was the man behind it all. The midfielder has single-handedly made pass completion rates sexy, such is his propensity to keep the ball moving at all times. He is the heartbeat of the world champions, that’s for sure.

VILLAIN OF THE TOURNAMENT

Luis Suarez (Uruguay)

Not for the goal-line save that denied Ghana a semi-final place, but the manner in which he celebrated Asamoah Gyan's penalty miss. To declare his 'the real hand of God' showed a complete lack of class when he had denied Africa's last hope a place in the semis. Shameless.

TEAM OF THE TOURNAMENT

4-4-2

Casillas (Spain); Maicon (Brazil), Puyol (Spain), Pique (Spain), Lahm (Germany); Sneijder (Holland), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Iniesta (Spain), Xavi (Spain), Forlan (Uruguay); Villa (Spain)

MOST UPLIFTING MOMENT

South Africa v Mexico

Adderly. Sheril. Noel. Sabah. Spaghetti. 'nuff said :)

MOST DEPRESSING MOMENT

Germany 4-0 Argentina

Seeing how Argentina got dismantled by the loathsome Germany is just something hard to take – especially for first time football fan, Sheril. I know it pained her when that happened, and it was depressing. It was hard for us to care about the World Cup after that.

END OF WORLD CUP NOTES

Holland’s anti-football vs Spain’s total-football

The picture above basically sums up the final. The fact that Holland tried to play anti-football is sufficient grounds on why they shouldn’t win the World Cup – and congratulations Spain for showing that the beautiful football can prevail in the end.

Stupid

2010-07-09T00:01:00.002+08:00

You know, there are a lot of things that can piss me off – and one of which include stupid people. Another thing would be stupid people hurting my girlfriend in any shape or form. I know that I may sound like this overprotective, jealous boyfriend, but some people are just so stupid that you just feel the need to smack their collective heads together.

Maybe that’ll jumpstart their brains.

I don’t get how some people have a small mentality, as if they’ve been living in a cave all these years. Granted, maybe their parents are a bunch of cavemen, but still, if you’re in university, should know better, be able to use that brain of yours, and stop being stupid.

I have been a class rep since the first semester of my diploma, and now I’m in my final semester of my degree, and never once have crossed my mind that just because someone is a girl, that person can’t be a class rep too.

There have been a few subjects during my tenure where I have been relieved of my duties as class rep, and a girl is appointed (case in point: Sarah in last year’s FAR class), and I never begrudge her or for one doubt her ability to do a good job because of her gender – that’s just stupid.

If I were to doubt a person, it’ll be because of their stupidity more than anything else.

So now, I don’t get it why a person would openly criticize Sheril for being the class rep because she’s a SHE, and in his stupid mind, she won’t be able to do a good job. Then, it was made known that he actually wanted the class rep post – and to that I say, if you really wanted the job that bad that would resort you to bash the person who got it, you should’ve had the balls to stand up to be counted in the first place.

Maybe your head it so high up your ass right now that you can’t really see what really is the point of being the class rep – and no, being known and having people know you is not the main reason – it’s merely a small perk.

You see, being a class rep is having to shoulder a huge responsibility – it is made so that people can learn to come out of their shell and foster leadership qualities. This is why this semester especially, even if it’s well-known that I’m the de facto class rep for my class, I still try to nominate my other friends to do it – sure, some of it just to bahan them, but at the same time, it’s to help them gain that confidence.

The fact that you think that you’re the only one who deserve to do so, and quickly write-off Sheril shows how much of a fool you are. Just because she’s female, it doesn’t make her lesser of a class rep than you can be. It’s one thing to stereotype women as the weaker sex and can’t do the job, but it’s a whole different ballgame to actually underestimate my girlfriend, Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman.

So before you continue to make a fool out of yourself and be exposed for your stupidity, PLEASE. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

No Love

2010-07-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for, W C Fields once mischievously suggested, and the vast majority of professional footballers would have reacted much as Luis Suarez did when a header was about to eliminate his team from this World Cup.

When Suarez lifted his hands to stop the Ghanaian header from going in, it was instinct, it was outrageous, yet understandable. Instinct.

Instinct

But it was the manner in which Suarez and his Uruguay team-mates responded to Ghana's failure to punish the crime that was so offensive; the sight of him punching the air when Asamoah Gyan missed the penalty and then Uruguay's players lifting Suarez on their shoulders when they won the subsequent penalty shoot-out.

You see, looking at the semi-finals for the World Cup, I would have love it if Uruguay could win, mainly because they’re the first ever World Cup winner, and the sheer nostalgia and romance in it would be too awesome. Yes, when I’m a neutral football fan, I’m a romantic football fan.

You see, I loathe Germany, and everyone knows that. I like the way Spain plays and David Villa is one of my favorite footballers (even before EURO 2008) but I think that they’re a bunch of choke artists (and it’s too much pandering to the crowd to support Spain), and Holland is just, meh.

Also, no European team have won the World Cup if the tournament is hosted outside of Europe, so by that theory alone, Uruguay has a good chance of winning it… or at least that’s what the superstitious side of me would like to believe.

However, what Suarez did made it hard for me to support Uruguay after such incident, which is a pity given how well Uruguay have played; given the fact that Diego Forlan is emerging as one of the players of the tournament.

The incident might have sparked a debate about whether penalty goals should be introduced but, had Gyan scored, the red card Suarez received and the subsequent match ban would have been considered appropriate.

When Henry used his hand to deny the Republic of Ireland a place at this tournament, FIFA launched an inquiry. When Suarez parried that header, FIFA served him with a one-match ban. Fair enough.

No, the reason he has become a hate-figure for an entire continent, the reason much of the world will be united behind the Dutch when they appear at the Green Point Stadium this evening, is because of the absence of any remorse.

Shameful

It was how he celebrated his cheating and is apparently proud of it. It’s sad when that happens.

Oh well, my pick for the World Cup is still the same – A.B.G. (Anyone BUT Germany).

Winner

2010-07-05T15:11:00.001+08:00

Rafael Nadal has won the 2010 Wimbeldon Open by beating Tomas Berdych 6-3, 7-5, 6-4 last Sunday.

I know that it sounds weird for me to talk about tennis in the midst of World Cup – and I’m sure some of you aren’t even aware of my interest in tennis, but believe me, there’s a reason for this. Granted, I don’t follow tennis extensively, but I do know what’s going on, the major happenings in the tennis world right now (evidently).

You see, to make things simpler, I’m happy that Rafael Nadal won. No, scratch that, I’m ecstatic that he won.

Funnily enough, the reason has nothing to do with tennis or any other sport for that matter. I just thought that I’d put it out there that I’m delighted that he won and that’s about it; I won’t tell anymore lest I’ll jinx it.

I’ll tell you this though, Nadal is heading for greatness and I really do hope that he fulfill his potential and be the best tennis player – ever.

… and no, I have nothing against Roger Federer, in fact, I sorta like him too.

Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina

2010-07-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

It was a massacre. It was ruthlessness to the point where even the tiniest of hopes was extinguished. Such was the callousness of the German team that ripped apart Argentina, and thus – the hearts of many, including a first time football fan, Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman.

You see, she never really cared about football before, and in the midst of the World Cup, seeing her boyfriend going into it, she really feels like she could join in the fun – even getting a matching jersey to boot.

It was a fun experience, seeing ‘their’ team, Argentina, romping through to the quarterfinals, winning each and every single game. Then the match against Germany came along – it was one of Argentina’s biggest rivals (second only to Brazil), and also a team despised by her boyfriend, so by instinct, she detested them too.

She was determined to support her team, wearing her jersey proudly, sitting in front of her Bravia (ironically), watching through the wonders of High-Definition. Suddenly, as the minutes pass by, as Lionel Messi continues to be frustrated, as Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain continue to work their socks off to no avail, her hope seem to fade.

The match ended 4-0 in favor of Germany, and she was devastated. She could just cry.

I guess this is the harshness of football. How it could easily break your heart – especially if you invested emotionally into it.

Maybe in a way, she’s lucky that Argentina didn’t lose to Germany on penalties, because that would be worse, the pain would be even more excruciating – maybe it doesn’t even matter, because let’s face it; a loss is still a loss.

So today she got a taste of what it’s like to be a football fan – and maybe she would just swear off football, it’s just too much emotional hassle anyways.

But if we’re lucky (with the assist of the Bravia), she might just stay on as a fan – see what it’s like to support a winning team – because there’s bound to be a lot of it if you’re a Man United fan.

… a guy can dream.

Wavin' Flag

2010-07-02T12:48:00.004+08:00

I think it’s about time that I write something about the ongoing World Cup. The quarter-finals will kick off later tonight, so before they do, let me give you my two cents and rank or seed the teams based on who I think would win the World Cup 2010.

(Note: This is who I think would win and in that order, so there may be biasness, and it’s my list, so if you disagree, to damn bad)

1. Brazil

The reason I ranked them so highly is that I truly believe in their ability to actually go and win the World Cup. People weren’t really convinced with their squad initially, but the way they opened up a very disciplined North Korea in the first match and the dismantling of Cote d’Ivoire and Chile in the latter matches shows their class.

2. Argentina

The pundits in Argentina must be eating their words now, especially since Diego Maradonna’s team is already 4 out of 4 wins in the World Cup – and playing great football to boot. They are officially Sheril and mine’s team that we support. The dream final with Brazil looming and right now, Argentina is certainly worth the money.

3. Spain

They’re making a believer out of me. When they lost to Switzerland in the first match, I laughed because somehow, I could see them choking again. Like I always say, Spain plays beautiful football but aren’t yielding any results (EURO 2008 aside). But then, the way they sweep past Honduras (which was expected) and grinded result against Chile and Portugal shows that they can get the results when they have their backs against the wall.

4. Germany

While their demolition of England was impressive, it was also because England was abysmal. The biggest problem I have with this young German side is exactly that – they’re young. They’re young enough to have the hunger and enthusiasm to win matches (read: versus England and Australia) but are inexperienced when they have their backs against the wall (read: 10 men against Serbia), and questions might arise on how they fare against bigger teams like Argentina, and if they beat them, maybe Brazil in the final.

5. Netherlands

Another team with 4 out of 4 wins, arguably the best team to have never won a World Cup (sorry, Spain). But now, they have Brazil to deal with, and if they got past the 5-time champion, they have an easy path to the finals, with Argentina, Germany or Spain waiting in the finals. Like I said, beat Brazil, finals loom large.

6. Ghana

I know that I’ve written off the matchup between Ghana and Uruguay, and for good reason. That said, I would be rooting for Ghana, along with over a billion of people from the continent of Africa to get into the semi-finals, and maybe finish third.

7. Uruguay

First of all, credit must be given where it’s due for this Uruguay team is the best team to come from the country since they’ve won the first ever World Cup back in 1930 and 1950, which however, led by the much improved Diego Forlan, would be grateful for their quarter-finals run, if not semis at most.

8. Paraguay

I’ve always maintained that Paraguay are a good team, especially since they finished joint-second with Chile, one point behind Brazil in the qualifying stage. However, the matches against Italy and Slovakia aside, they haven’t been great, failing to score against lowly New Zealand and Japan – winning the latter match only through penalties.

Papa Was a Rolling Stone

2010-06-20T18:12:00.003+08:00

Two school girls coming from school one day; and one turns to the other and says:

"Do you believe in the Devil?"

The other one says:

"Don't be silly, of course not! The Devil is like Santa..."

"... it's only your Dad."

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY :)

Promise

2010-06-16T14:55:00.001+08:00

I’m sick – physically unwell, so this would be a very short post.

You see, there’s a reason I’m posting this despite having a runny nose (remind me to catch it when I have the strength to do so), a throbbing headache, random coughs and a stiff neck is to basically address one thing, and one thing only.

Lately, haters have been popping out from and left and right. From ungrateful losers who’s arrogant to think that they’re better than me to arrogant losers who knows that he’s not better than me but pretend to be and refuses to let things go because he’s daft enough to believe that he’s better than me (he’s not) to losers in general.

Now, I’m not going to address each and every single one of them because I’m tired of what’s going on, but really, the only reason I’m posting this is because of this:

No matter how the world conspire against us or attempt to hurt us or rock us, we’re better than that – infinitely so. I couldn’t have wished for anyone else to be by my side with me right now. Through the good and the bad – through everything

We’ve stood tall against the naysayers and now against the virus that we call – well, influenza (or at least I call it that), and we’ll pull through again. Promise?

I love you and I can’t wait to be by your side again.

No Apologies

2010-06-04T06:57:00.003+08:00

There's something that needed to be said - something that I kept inside of me, but I can't keep it any longer. It's time I open up and just be honest to each and every one of you.

You see, as much as I enjoyed my birthday, and it was awesome - thanks to an even more awesome girlfriend, there was something that kept gnawing me that somehow isn't really the best thing in the world to have.

I HATE THE WAY I LOOK IN MY BIRTHDAY PICTURES!

Yes. What were you expecting me to say?

The reasons are as follows:

1. I have a HUGE ZIT on my forehead and,

b) I look FAT.

... and if you don't believe me, here's proof:

Apparently, they're now casting for The Biggest Loser Asia 2, maybe I should audition for it too.

OMG

2010-06-03T14:42:00.003+08:00

Oh my gravy.

Things have been blown way out of proportion now. Earlier this morning, after reading a few blogs, I feel the need to rant and vent out my anger and frustrations – but somehow, as time passed, I guess like always, I mellowed down.

A lot of people tend to paraphrase what David Banner used to say, “don’t make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry,” but never has it been true for me. People often complain how when I talk, I’m always using sharp words and hurt people – but that’s who I am. But I’m never malicious.

When I’m angry, I can be malicious and what I say normally would seem like baby talk compared to what I can actually spew out. But I’m the type of guy who doesn’t stay angry for long and it has worked well for me before and it has worked now.

So now, I’m no longer as angry or malicious as I was say, 2-3 hours ago, but I’m more composed and back to my normal pragmatic side. Now look, what I’m gonna say next is not of malicious intent, but just something that needed to be said.

First of all, if you should take offence to someone attacking your girlfriend, you shouldn’t really attack someone else’s first. The fact that you consider that a simple nickname to be sacred and only a few people can only use it, then you are the one being the arrogant snob.

Now, maybe you are right to be angry at someone else using the said nickname, but you too need to consider how it was used in a way to be affectionate and as way to bond and not of arrogance because all of this came up in what was an amazing gesture from someone to a person she loves.

I mean surely you’re not naïve enough to think that there won’t be any repercussions or any reactions or backlash to what happened. The fact that she ceased using the nickname after realizing you were offended by that shows how little to no harm should have come from that.

It’s saddens me knowing how we’ve turned out from being good friends that basically started out debating together and failing in our 20 second speeches together to winning our first debating trophy together to us being the way we are now. It sucks, but we’re matured enough to know that this will pass.

Second of all, when I called you yesterday to talk to you, it was without any malice or anger, but of concern. I was at a state where I was worried that you were not being treated as well as I thought you should have. I was concerned that a petty feud prevented you from being able to make your own decisions.

Now granted, some may think that I was out of line to do that, but when I called you early yesterday, never in my mind that I wanted to interfere, but just seek for clarification. Whether I deserve that or not is still debatable. But yeah, I asked, and I could’ve easily been denied of it, but I wasn’t.

Then last night, I may appear to be too pushy, but I was frustrated seeing a good friend of mine seemingly unable to really think for herself. Granted, it probably wasn’t my place to say anything, so when I realized that I was out of line; I stopped and told you that I won’t interfere anymore.

I remember telling you before you were with him when you came to me asking me whether you should go through with him or not and how to deal with friends’ reactions. I answered it in a single post addressing each problem you had.

I told you that if you think that he’s worth all the hassle, then go for it – and you did. I address your friends and told them to let you make your own choices and if you make a mistake along the way, just be there and hold the need to say ‘I told you so.’ Somewhere along the lines, I’ve forgotten that, and I’m sorry.

As it pains me to see you in that situation, I trust you enough to know that you think that you’re right and you’ll make it work. I’m sure you would.

Third of all, I’m sorry that you feel like you’re in the middle of all this. I’m sorry if you think that we’re being smug and annoying the hell out of you. You need to know that over the course of the relationship, we’ve never tried to do anything just to be malicious to you – it’s just all for fun.

Sure, maybe you may feel annoyed, but I know you know us well enough to know that we don’t mean any harm by it. I’m sorry if you feel the PDA on Facebook is nauseating, but believe me, if I know how to prevent the comments from appearing in the news feed, then I would because for all intents and purposes, aside for the ones that have your name tagged, it’s purely for both of our own benefit.

I don’t begrudge you for picking sides and sticking with it, but you should always know the people around you not to be malicious no matter how bad it might appear. I mean, it goes both ways. I know that while you’re so peeved and annoyed in your blog, I know you don’t mean any malicious intent in it and that you’re merely venting.

Granted, it stung, but at the end of the day I know that you’re just being you and despite your wish that I never got with my girlfriend now, I know you actually don’t mean any harm by it – and so entails that you would have the same faith in us as you do with everyone else and as we do with you; because in the end, we’re too good of friends to have it all thrown away like that.

Last but not least, you are currently the love of my life and whatever you do; I’ll always have your back. Sure, there are times when we’re at each other’s throat, but we worked things out in the end – mutually. You are a strong, independent, sharp woman and I wouldn’t love you any way else.

I’m sorry that because of me, things got blown out of proportion and took away the attention of what was indeed and amazing gesture that you did for me. It was one of the best days that I have and I enjoyed every second of it.

It warms my heart how you went through all the trouble of trying to get my closest friends to be with me, to come and surprise me – and you did. You are just plain and simple awesome. Nay, I can’t even find the superlatives to describe my wonderful girlfriend.

I love your gift and what you did for me – the sheer effort that you did was just amazing – but I’ve already said that. I just feel the need to say that again because it was indeed awesome of you to do so and I love you for that.

I love you, you hear? I love you.

Now that’s all and done with, I would like to apologize to every single one of you out there. I know it’s my fault for trying to take matters into my own hands and because of it; it went way out of proportion, blown up bigger than it’s supposed to be. I sincerely apologize and hope that all of this would be put behind us because we’re all grownups and mature people, right?

So there you go, my first blogpost as a 23-year old man. No anger or malice or excessive giddiness or flaunting of annoying love; just simple pragmatism that I’m well-known for and hopefully things would go smoothly from now on.

Until then, I’m raising my glass hoping for an amazing year ahead. Anyone care to join me?

P/S:

Anyone else wished that the cowboys would win last season's Amazing Race?

Oh my gravy indeed.

All I Do Is Win

2010-05-30T18:09:00.004+08:00

You know, for a self-proclaimed

'White Serpent Ninja Animal Perfect Monster Super Warrior Princess Power Rangers,'
you sure do whine a lot.

We; the power couple (a height that you have never achieved - even for someone as 'tall' as you), believe that it's time you just shut up.

Thank you.

I Made It

2010-05-28T03:10:00.004+08:00

Well, whodda thunk it, huh?

It was a little over a year ago that I started debating, and now, now I’m a three-time, three-time, three-time, debating champion.

I know that this story have been told a lot, but to me, the novelty never seems to wear off, especially when I look back at my short debating life and how it has been nothing but a fairy tale.

It was ultimately an essay that brought me to debate. An essay that was written initially as a class assignment (which was entered in a competition and I won), became the beginning of what would be a passionate journey of fun-filled laughter.

The first tournament I went to; MDO 2009 was basically throwing this baby fish to swim with the sharks and what it got me was the infamous 20-second speech against the Japanese team.

Known from the city where no one believed in me

But I never give up the fight.

Ya, but now on top.

I told you to let it rock

The moneys fallin from the sky-y-y-y-y

I made it.

‘Let it Rock’ was the theme as I continued to mature as a debater and lead to my first two championships in mere 6 months of debating, and I was content with the ICDC and NICED championships – to which I proclaimed that I wanted to retire.

So after around 3 months of debating hiatus, missing the BP season completely; the love of debate along with the current girlfriend and muse; Tengku Sheril Amirah came into my life and somehow managed to convince me to return to debating. SCDC, MOHEC, Novice and MDO later, I was again an established debater.

Then came Arau Open 2010.

See I don’t live for glamour, and I don’t care for fame

I’m in this for the love of the game

Funny how things can change

When I packed my bags for Arau, never even crossed my mind that I would go far, because to me it would turn out to be a quick vacation with friends and Sheril, it should’ve been like that, but as always, fate would have something to say about that.

Couple of months ago, Noel, Finz and myself have this inside joke on how the three of us together are basically ‘Team Awesome’ but we just never got the chance to debate together properly on a big stage – and Arau was our stage. Team Stinson that we were supposed to be, yet another stroke of fate made us ‘KBM Mosby.’

It’s funny really, we never trained properly; and somehow, bar one, Noel was the first speaker and the reply speech speaker, I was second speaker and Finz was third; something that wasn’t even comprehendible before the tournament started, yet it did and it just worked.

In the prelims, we went against two UPM teams, a UMP team and two UT Mara teams – one of which of my girlfriend. I always wanted to debate against her; and fate handed us that and we did face Sheril’s UT Mara team with the reliable Taqi and the oh-so-amazing Mai. Not since NICED have I had a team that have strong chemistry and strong trust with each other – and that helped us prevailed.

The thing about our team is this; I’ve been singled out as the ‘weakest link’ in the tournament but I kept telling myself that while that may be true; I was anything but weak – and it proved how strong our team were.

The quarter-finals; as Finz pointed out, was the moment I started to come out. I used to be so laid back in the prelims, suddenly came to life with aggression and conviction in the last 8 round against IIUM. I guess to be honest, I was fuelled with disdain for IIUM’s arrogance and petty mind games – and that I was determined to exact revenge on behalf of Sheril against Habib and co.

… that and I wasn’t ready to relinquish my undefeated streak against any IIUM team.

That’s how we do it, make it rain make it shower

Top floor, big timer doing big things

Over city views bought shawty new range

Flip another 100, poppin throwing hundreds

In a new Bentley, uptown stunna

A million of gratitude goes to Noel and Finz. Noel was amazing the whole tournament and almost nothing deterred him – and the fact that he adapted so well to being first speaker and doing reply speech was nothing short of amazing. His ‘best speaker in final’ award was well deserved.

Finz was just a superhero. Not only did she worked hard in helping Noel prepare his outline of speech that lead to his amazing run, but she had to contend with me and my lack of points AND her own whip speech to deal with.

Both of them were superstars, thank you both.

Rosal, Bobo, Suffian, Azim and Lya; the fact that they were there giving us full support was the impetus we needed to motivate ourselves in doing better and just kick ass. Millions of gratitude goes to each and every one of you there. A quick shout out goes to the Lendu ENGLISH DEBATERS for their tremendous support throughout as well. Miss Hairin too, thank you. No words can describe how each and every one of you had helped us.

I look up to the sky

And now the World is mine

I’ve known it all my life

I made it, I made it!

Of course, there’s no way I’m going to forget one Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman. She was the one who goaded me to go to Arau – she was my inspiration, the one who was beside me every step of the way (bar round 3), and there’s nothing more a guy could hope for.

Granted, it wasn’t all rainbows and sun shines, but whatever is?

The fact that she was the first every winner of the Public Speaking competition (with me in her speeches) was just simply amazing and definitely NOT insignificant. The fact that we were then dubbed as the ‘Power Couple’ was the definite icing in an icing-filled cake.

We came to Arau to have fun – vacation with each other and we ended up taking Arau by storm.

I used to dream about, the life I'm living now

I know that theres no doubt.

I made it, I made it!

We made it. Thank you all; thank you JEBUS ERIKSEN!

Against All Odds

2010-05-13T18:50:00.004+08:00

March 2010

It was supposed to be going to be better; I was supposed to be heading for bigger and better things. It was supposed to be the first few steps in what promised to be my victorious ride into the sunset – where I would be etched in history with the greats of 1966.

Just a few days ago, I was drowned in the adulation of fans in the best place in the world – the Theatre of Dreams. Sure, it was a losing effort against my boyhood team, but the ovation that I got from the Old Trafford faithful was simply the best. It was arguably my best moment ever.

I didn’t start the match, but when I did enter the fray, I was dubbed as Milan’s best player on the pitch, and I was more than delighted. With Fabio in the stands, I’m sure that things would be better; I know that I’ve impressed him enough to take me on the plane to South Africa this June.

I snapped back into reality as the team prepare for a counter-attack. I looked at the scoreboard, not long left and the score is still Milan 0-0 Chievo. I was in the center circle of the pitch when I got the ball.

Then it happened.

In a capricious moment with the ball, I suddenly feel the muscles in my left leg start to come up and the pain was unbearable. I tried to suppress my pain and limp back on one foot back to the sidelines. The pain was horrible and I just can’t stand it.

The moment I get to the sidelines, I collapsed and can’t even hold back my tears. How could I have allowed myself to be so frangible in an important stage of my life?

I lie motionless trying to wrap my head around the entire situation. Maybe it isn’t as bad as I think it is. Who am I kidding? I know it’s bad. I don’t want to look. I just lay still as the medics do their best to help me. They load me on the stretcher as the silent crowd looks on. They gasp as the replay is shown on the large screen inside the stadium. I was still crying.

As I lay on the stretcher being wheeled to the back, a wave of applause overtakes the crowd. I don’t deserve their cheers. Not tonight. As I am carted through the curtain the sudden realization that all I had worked so hard for had been taken from me in the tiniest of instants overwhelms me.

My memories start to flash before my eyes. That goal against Wimbledon, that red card against Argentina in 1998, that amazing night in Barcelona, the captain’s armband, the free kick against Greece, the goal against Argentina, that move to Madrid, that night in Old Trafford 3 days ago.

Has my career… ended?

April 2010

It has been nearly a whole month since the night my entire life was taken away from me. My left Achilles tendon was ruptured. It was horrible.

In the weeks immediately following my incident, I was told I would be lucky to walk again let alone jog or train. More words that acted like a knife stabbing through my chest. The boys came by at first. They all wished me well in my recovery. As the weeks dragged on, the visits ceased and the calls silenced. Fan mail dwindled to almost nothing.

I watched the match last night. I wasn’t even mentioned anymore. Nobody is talking about me. It seems they have all forgotten. No matter how hard I rehab or how much I want it; perhaps it is time to face facts. Perhaps it is time to give up for good.

I’m turning 35 next month, and maybe, just maybe, I’m too old for this shit.

June 2010

I find myself sitting in the executive box in the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa. My England team is trailing 1-0 against European Champions Spain in the semi-finals of the World Cup. I just can’t sit still. It’s never easy to sit on the sidelines like this, especially when you feel like you could help.

Wayne Rooney was isolated and I feel like I could do a better job in assisting him than the inexperienced Theo Walcott. It was frustrating and painful – both of which compounded when David Villa scored Spain’s second goal. Surely it’s over now.

I then feel my left ankle tighten up to remind me that my pain killers are wearing off. I slowly stood up, grabbed my crutches, and start to walk away. It was painful in so many levels.

As I walked out, a little boy came up to me with a pen and paper, asking for my autograph. He seemed like a nice kid and I duly obliged. I smiled at him as I signed the autograph, but what he said next surprised me.

“Don’t be sad, Mister David”

I thought that I concealed my sadness pretty well, but the boy obviously saw the sadness radiating from my whole persona. I just smiled at him, somewhat choked up to say anything.

The boy continued: “You know, my second favorite person in the world – second to only you, have a saying for these kinds of situation.”

“Oh, what is it?”

May 2011

His career for all purposes has reached the end

Here I am, a little over a year since my injury that ruled me out of a record fourth straight World Cup. Rehabilitation have been hard for me, it’s no walk in the park that’s for sure. I’ve woken up with pain in the joints of my body straining from the arduous rehabilitation program.

He is better suited as an ambassador than a player

There are doubters, that’s for sure, people thought that I should just retire; I did turn 36 a couple of days ago, and people really thought that last year’s injury was the end of me – that I have no business stepping on the pitch again; that my best years was behind me.

A great chance for him to hide back in Los Angeles

Since that day, fate has been kind to me. A little over a year after my injury, I’m back playing top level football with AC Milan. I’m feeling better than ever and now in the middle of the Champions League Final 2011. The venue? Wembley, London. The opponent? Manchester United.

I then saw Ronaldinho being brought down at the edge of Manchester United’s penalty box. The score was 1-1 with 5 minutes left to play. I quickly went to take the free kick. Andrea Pirlo looked at me, wondering whether I could actually pulled it off with the game on the line.

“Oh ye of little faith,” I replied with a smile.

I lined up the free kick and went to strike the ball. Everything came up to this precise moment.

The ball floated up the Manchester United defense wall and flew by Edwin Van Der Sar. I just won my team the 2011 Champions League.

There were months when I wanted to give up, end my career, but somehow, that line that the boy told me back in Johannesburg a year ago still ring true in my head and use it till this very day.

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead…

True story.”

Secrets

2010-05-05T17:37:00.000+08:00

I’m here. I can’t believe that I’m here. I'm here today because the meeting for people struggling with addictions. I guess its better off that I’m here now, rather than sitting at home trying and ultimately failing at dealing with my demons.

The moderator started the meeting. He looks like someone who had gone through a lot of shit in his life, yet somehow the experience agrees with him. He looks like the kind of guy you can trust – a very good sign indeed. I didn’t really know who he is, or what he can offer, but that distinguished look of him immediately got my approbation.

He is old school and he talks about his demons in the past, and how he dealt with alcohol and how he fought tooth and nail to be sober. Old men like him see the fight against alcohol as a manly struggle. He talks passionately and sucks people in with his every word.

A young man who looked like he hasn’t bathed in weeks followed the moderator. He said that his name was Pete. He wept as he talked about his addiction with recreational drugs and how his life was spiraling out of control. Looking at him, all messy and rugged, and just plain worn out, it’s hard to think that he’s only 24.

A slightly overweight man then stood up. He struggled to say anything at first, as if he doesn’t think that he should be there. After a few seconds and encouragement by the people around him, he starts to talk. He spoke of his addiction to pornography and how it consumed his life.

A young woman next to the porn addict seemed antsy by his story. She was a pretty young thing, pretty, petite and pretty much doable. I could’ve sworn that she winked at me, but thought nothing of it. When it was her turn, it was finally revealed that she was a sex addict, and told of the rapacious affairs she had behind her husband’s back.

Now it’s my turn.

I'm not going to blame alcohol, drugs, or girls online who are trying to make a little money. I know the problem is me, and I don’t plan to drag anyone down with me. I guess this is one of the reasons why I’m seeking help – it’s hard to shoulder this weight on my shoulders.

"Hi, I'm Adderly." I begin with a straight face, "I suffer from being too observant and intuitive and it causes frequent bouts of overarousal."

A few people laugh, but most people just stare. The petite woman giggles like I am being cute. She gives me a slobbering look as if she thinks an admission of overarousal means I walk around 24/7 with a boner.

"Maybe I need to clarify. I have always been sensitive to the environment around me. I have often found that I know more about people who I've seen casually than many of their friends. Sometimes I come to understand elements of their personalities that they haven't figured out themselves, or else aren't yet willing to accept. This, obviously, has caused me some problems in life. Primarily, when I get overindulge and overaroused."

I pause for emphasis: "With hope comes fear."

I hear the moderator: 'Get to the point, son.'

Ok. I can do that. "This week I fell off the wagon."

“That’s better,” nods the moderator in approval.

“You see, I got sucked into this world by the people in the world. The people welcomed me to their world, they showed me things I could never imagine is possible to do. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they even make me cringe – but most of all, they got me hooked.”

“The people are amazing. Some people are funny and charismatic and know the way to my heart. I make me feel like I’m high – that I can fly if I try it. There are also people who would do anything to make me crash down to Earth, people who feed on my suffering. It sucks. Although on the bright side, I spend more time high than feeling low, that should be a plus, right?”

The people around me couldn’t mask their disapproval.

“Lately, there have been more lows than highs. More good people I know starts to die and leave the world. I then start to question the world that I got sucked into, whether it was just an illusion under the cloud of highness that I was feeling, I question everything – hence the overarousal.”

I paused: “I couldn’t take it anymore, the voices in my head were going into overdrive and I just got up and left.”

A light applause was heard and I smirked a little.

“I did everything I could to forget that world. I even started a writing competition – CWI, I called it. It was lucky for the losers who competed that I was a judge and can’t really compete against them. Its better like that I guess, because I don’t want to be like them - they have loseritis.”

I then heard: “Loseritis?”

“Urbandictionary.com defines loseritis an infectious disease spread by direct or indirect contact with a loser or a group of losers.”

I hear an impatient cough.

“So anyways, I fell off the wagon today. I was turning on the television and there it was – sucking me back into their world.”

The overweight guy seemed interested, “Porn?”

“Wrestling.”

I could hear everyone mentally face-palming themselves.

“No! Really! It’s an addicition! An overarousal! I keep thinking by seeing Jericho in a tag team with the Miz, I thought that Jericho would never be world champion again, and how it would affect his career, and how Daniel Bryan and Wade Barrett would be in that equation! Why can’t I just enjoy watching wrestling without thinking about all these things?!”

Suffice to say, I was never invited back to the group.

A Moment Like This

2010-05-03T19:07:00.002+08:00

This is it. This is the moment I’ve waited all my life.

I took a deep breath, soaking in the atmosphere and slowly preparing myself. After years of training, hard work and perseverance, it is finally my time to shine. Tonight is finally all about me. This is something that I’ve worked for years, and my biggest passion – and it’s hard to describe how I feel.

I wish I could say that I wasn’t nervous, but of course, I would just be kidding myself.

I have taken great steps to keep my mind off of the events of tonight, but all of those lengths have proven to do just the opposite. A stroll around the arena leaves me pondering what will happen; visualizing every move from that would take place from the moment I enter until the start my first act until the end where hopefully, my dreams would be fulfilled.

Now I know that not all would choose this dream of mine – they would probably question why someone would have such a dream in the first place – but here I am. Growing up, everyone around me had different dreams – realistic dreams. I was ridiculed for having this dream of mine, but I clung to it.

In an industry where there are more stories of failure than that of success, I decided to not give up on it. Everywhere I go, when found out of my passion – a guilty pleasure perhaps, I was met with raised eyebrows because it’s just not something normal people dream about.

It hasn’t been easy; the road to be where I am hasn’t been easy. I’ve bled, I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve been jeered by thousands of people, and I’ve even gotten death threats, but somehow, I’m here. After years of suffering, I managed to improve myself, and soon enough, the jeers turned into cheers and I guess someone up took notice.

Everything started to change, and I guess some up there really do love me – which finally leads me to who I am today.

Now is my chance, my chance to work to the top – to finally fulfill my dreams. It’s not long now – or at least how I thought it would be.

Time suddenly feels like its crawling and it kills me inside. The anticipation and trepidation suddenly drowns all the pain and heartache that I’ve gone through all these years.

To calm the nerves, not long before the moment of truth, I called my mentor; a legend in his own right. If anyone could help me calm down, it would be him. He assures me I will do just fine. He tells me to relax and also advises me to soak in the approbation of all of the fans before, during and after my performance.

“Moments like this don’t appear every day, and just because it is here now does not mean it will ever rear its head again.”

I listen to every word he says. I hear every last measure of advice. When I hang up the phone, I am still nervous, but coupled with excitement, drive and determination.

As I get ready, putting on my gear, I can already hear the rapacious crowd roar. Somehow I seem to temporarily forget my nervousness and feed on the energy of the crowd. I crack my neck – a bad habit of mine that I never got over, and slowly opened the door of my dressing room. The roar of the crowd is louder than ever.

I step out of my dressing room and begin the painstakingly slow walk to the curtain. My peers line the halls; all delivering their own well wishes. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Their respect and adulation means more than the fans sometimes. I arrive at the curtain to await my cue.

The boss man is here as he is every night. He takes his production headset off and swaggers over to my side. Shaking my hand, he leans in and whispers four words that sounds simple, but carries with me huge significance and that I will never forget for as long as I breathe…

“Go get ‘em, champ!”

Suddenly the arena turn dark and the roar of the crowd is louder than I’ve ever heard them before. Kevin Rudolf’s ‘Let it Rock’ starts to play and red, green and blue laser lights and smoke start to fill the entrance. The crowd keeps getting louder and louder.

Some people might think of this as a fool’s dream – a stupid guilty pleasure, but to me, this moment right now, this is more than a guilty pleasure, this is the moment where dreams come true - the moment that I take my place in the annals of history, where I would finally realize my dream of headlining the grandest stage of them all and challenge the World Title at Wrestlemania.

Incomplete

2010-04-28T13:22:00.000+08:00

I can be such a baby sometimes.

Granted, I am feeling very sick and could barely grasp what’s going on around me sometimes – most of the time actually, but yeah, I can be a baby sometimes.

Sure, I have three huge ulcers that somewhat restrain my ability (if you can even call that) to eat freely without feeling any pain – I can’t even eat properly without cringing in pain and to also talk with a decent flow; as every other sentence would actually hurt me, but yeah, I can be a baby sometimes.

Okay, I guess that those things can be excused – I did get a 2-day (or one-and-a-half depends on perspective) MC for all my troubles, but there is something that can’t really be excused.

I get cranky because I missed talking to her last night. Yes, I’m being serious.

So say what you want – a baby or whatever (because I already used it in this post), but when I wake up this morning, noticing that it was 6 plus am, and that I didn’t get the chance to talk to her last night, I got cranky and feel oddly inadequate.

“I’m awake but my world is half asleep”

Yeah, it’s affecting my mood at work today, and I know it shouldn’t. It makes me look weak, and I’m sure she would actually tell me to ‘man up’ which is exactly what I should be doing, but it sucks that I didn’t get my daily dose of her (although it could be argued that I actually did get my daily dose of her), and I’m cranky dammit.

Okay, fine, maybe this crankiness has a lot to do with the fact that I’m still sick and not feeling like myself at all (sidebar: I just picked up the phone at the office and tried to tell a colleague who’s calling and it hurt just to talk a few sentence. Ugh.) and I guess for now, you can’t really blame me for being cranky.

I guess in so many ways, with my sickness and crankiness, not being the 100% Adderly, I really am incomplete.

Broken

2010-04-20T18:03:00.004+08:00

I remember the day that I first saw him; it was instant connection; as if we were meant for each other. The moment that most people search their lives for, I found it, and I found it in one of my early attempts at that.

I was lucky, nay, I’m blessed. That fate meeting with him – and he picked me of all people. It was just heart warming, and melted my very core.

I can see from his face that he has been hurt before and I can look into his eyes that he really doesn’t want to get hurt again – and maybe just using me as a distraction. That much I know to be true. But I didn’t care. He still took me in his arms and made me happy beyond words.

Things weren’t as hard as I pictured it to be initially, I mean, yeah, there was that phase of getting to know each other in a deeper level, and not just on face value. He actually took and effort to get to know me – and he seemed to know a lot about me even before that.

The fact that he made that extraordinary effort, just putting a little extra makes me feels appreciated – unlike how some of my friends got treated. He got to know me pretty quickly, and while admittedly he wasn’t the best in the world, he certainly knows how to treat me properly and push the right buttons.

He seems happy to introduce me to his friends, not being ashamed at me at all. He took me to the big events that he was invited and showed me off. I was happy. I was happy beyond words. I guess my happiness is worth a thousand words… and then some.

Yes, initially he probably did got me as a distraction; as a form of entertainment to please himself, soothe his ego, but I stood by him, and I really feel that he is now truly, madly, deeply in love with me – and I couldn’t be happier.

The best feeling in the world is how protective he is of me. Nothing says that you’re in love than protecting the one you really care about. He wouldn’t let just about anyone to get close to me, he’s afraid they would hurt me because I was so fragile – he rationalized.

In a way, I guess I am fragile; but I am that way because of his love and care for me. I couldn’t be happier and I was pretty confident that this feeling would last forever.

Oh how wrong was I.

It would appear that the old cliché that everything in this world is cyclical is true, and I guess, in the most unfortunate way, that includes me.

Time passes, and he seemed to be more distant with me. He started to become less protective, allowing people to come near me; citing trust towards others as the reason. While it was understandable; it was a far cry than the protective guy that brought warmth to my heart before.

I then heard that he started to see someone else – and seemed to be in love. At first I tried to ignore it, chalk it up to the fact that he’s just going through a phase. Again, I was wrong to assume. He seemed to be more and more transfixed with her, leaving me out in the cold.

He stopped bringing me to events like he normally does, barely show me off anymore, rarely connect with me like we used to, and it broke my heart.

Okay, I won’t lie; I’m a bit spoiled; because he’s very good at spoiling me when we were first together. Now, now that I’m being ignored, like any other spoiled child, I throw tantrums. I get cranky. I get angry and very, very, very HOT.

My tantrum apparently makes things worse and I’ve heard whispers of him wanting to discard me, to replace me, part with me permanently.

Oh how I would love to get back the old days; but now…

… now I’m just a thing to Alif.

We Fly High (01)

2010-04-15T19:45:00.007+08:00

It was early in the morning, and as the morning fog slowly disappearing, a figure is seen jogging around the park. He seems to be oblivious to the area around him – not that there’s anything to pay attention to, mind you, its 5 am on a Sunday morning after all.

Other than some last call cricket sounds and the cool blowing wind, the only sounds to be heard from the park came solely from the figure itself. The sound of controlled breathing as he continued another round of his jog is drowned only by his footsteps that are gradually gaining pace and momentum.

The figure continued yet another round at the park, with his brown eyes looking empty – staring straight ahead at where he’s headed. It has been his daily routine now for the past 3 months, and he’s really grateful that he started doing this on a daily basis.

He continued on his jog, heading towards a darkened gym in his university, and he wasn’t really thinking anything, other than listening to his iPod, which is currently playing Motorhead’s ‘King of Kings’

“Behold the king, the king of kings… on your knees now”

In a way, he is some sort of royalty, not in the literal sense of course, but merely by being the best in what he did. However, a 5-year long hiatus somewhat diminishes his reputation – and he’s basically an unknown now.

That’s precisely what Adderly Shaharudin was counting for 3 months ago, when he decided to return to the basketball team.

* * *

A loud voice boom was heard coming from the men’s college that damn near woke up everyone in the building – well everyone, but two people.

A closer inspection at a room on the third level of the college sees a whole lot of commotion going on – even at 5 am. A large, fair-skinned man is screaming at two of his friends to wake up. One was as large as he is, while the other seemed to be the otherwise.

“WAKE UP!” boomed the large man again, as the two of them just continued to pull the covers and ignoring the man.

Another bespectacled and skinny man soon entered the room, calmly saying, “Noel, let me try, you go and get showered, Nik should be done soon.”

Noel grabbed his towel without much of an objection, merely mouthing profanities while he walks away.

“Rosal, Bobo,” he began, slowly shaking the two bodies there. “It’s time to wake up.”

“Oh, look Bobo, they sent Faris now,” said Rosal sarcastically, as Bobo, the bigger one of the two gave a light chuckle before settling back to sleep.

Unperturbed, Faris; the spectacled one, simply replied, “Well, I’m not going to force you guys to wake up, but we do have another half an hour to get to the gym. I suppose you guys can stay in if you want, but I must warn you, the coach will be in today.”

With that light warning, both Bobo and Rosal sat up with fear in their eyes.

* * *

On another part of town, another figure was seen heading to a mamak stall. The tall bespectacled guy, like Adderly, has his own morning routine. He doesn’t really go for jogging in the morning, because he knows that there will be plenty of exercises taking place in the gym later on.

In a way, he is similar to Adderly. They both played basketball back in high school, but he never really stopped. He has been playing somewhat regularly and is pretty confident with his skills.

He proceeded to order his food, because he knew that without proper food in him, he would be super-cranky and no one really wants to see that. He patiently waited for his food, and looking at his watch, he knew that he has enough time to go to the gym on time – even with the coach coming in today.

A white car pulled up next to the stall and out comes two familiar guys. Both of them looked identical with a simple side-parting haircut and glasses. One is skinnier than the other, but from a far thy do look similar.

“Hey Alif, ordered yet?” asked the skinnier of the two, beckoning to Alif, who just nodded with a smile.

The other one, the driver then continued; “Fariz, I’m going to order, do you want me to order anything?”

“It’s okay Omar, I think I’m good,” replied Fariz Syah simply as he took a seat next to Alif.

“Don’t worry, we still have to make it to the gym,” said Alif casually.

* * *

He heard Noel’s scream alright – along with the other population of the college. In a way, he’s thankful that he’s not in the same room as the, it would surely be a pain for him to be with all the commotion.

While he loves them to death, they’re his teammates and like brothers to him, he doesn’t really think that he would fit in well if he stayed with them, I guess you can say that their personalities doesn’t really mesh well. He’s more of a silent-broody type, as opposed to them; who are somewhat crazy and off-the-cuffs.

He recently transferred there because he’s got a feeling that this bunch of players in this team has all the potential in the world to succeed and be the next big team in the national basketball arena, and he would know, having played college basketball at the highest level before.

After quickly lacing up his shoes, he locks the door and heads out towards the gym. He has a feeling that today’s practice is going to be very interesting.

The guy dark-skinned guy, wearing a matching navy Nike jersey and shorts made his way to the gym – which is already noisy with the sounds of people chatting, balls bouncing and even Noel’s shouting.

He opened the door, only to be greeted by Noel’s loud voice.

“Suffian! You’re LATE!”

Down With The King

2010-04-12T19:22:00.003+08:00

It has been a long while it seems since I updated my blog. Partly because I’m busy; another because I don’t really want to rush anything or any posts lest it end up a failure (read: the Intervention post – that has so much promise, yet it tanked).

So here I am now, updating my blog – or at least trying to do so. So much has happened; I won’t bore you with details.

An interesting fact came to me last night that got me thinking – and it’s something about how people who don’t know me not liking me. I mean, it’s not anything new – I’ve established a lot in my older posts on how most of my closest friends never really liked me before they got to know me.

The fact that it was brought up recently got me to thinking – nothing serious of course. Another incident of people who don’t know me, hatin’ on me – after it has been awhile, is still… well, amusing.

People who know me or read my blog a lot this time last year would know for a fact that I don’t pander to people. I don’t. So yeah, it doesn’t really bother me that people don’t like me because I ‘look’ arrogant and how I look seem like a stuck-up person. All I know is that I won’t change the way that I am just because it’s ‘socially acceptable’ to them.

Dude, I’m Adderly.

(Oh, in case you haven’t figured it out, this would be a semi-rant of sorts. Finally, huh?)

Yeah, I maybe cocky and have a much despised smirk, but I don’t pander to no one.

I’ve learned that pandering to people never really work; in fact when I stopped pandering is when I started to really take off. I started to do my own thing, be Adderly – and from a social pariah during my diploma days; I’ve basically turned myself into a royalty; a king in my own right during my degree – and people who hated my guts started to get to know me and develop a sense of respect for me.

So what I’m trying to say is, you can try to bring me down, really, you can – in fact, I welcome it. God knows that since last semester and my practical training began, I haven’t really dealt with this before – and I could use this to remind me of who I am; but I digress.

Yeah, try to bring me down, but I can assure you, that I’m going nowhere because after my practical training ends in roughly 35 (+3) days, I have one more semester in KBM to rule. Dethroning me isn’t going to be easy, I can assure you of that.

Down with the king? Oh, how I would love to see you try.

Intervention

2010-04-04T22:34:00.003+08:00

(A/N: I’m too lazy to edit pictures using photoshop, so paint will suffice for now.)

Adderly and Sheril stepped out of their cab after their date. They decided to head up for a quick rest before Adderly has to go home. Both of them seemed very happy and enjoyed their date immensely. For Sheril, at that precise moment, almost nothing can go wrong.

… until she opened the door to her house and saw this:

“The Fuuuuuuuuuck?” was what came out of her mouth immediately.

“Sayang, this is an intervention,” said Adderly seriously.

“Again, WHAT?”

“It’s about you fanning every other page that you see,” answered Alif.

“NO! Screw you guys, I’m getting out of here!” replied Sheril as she turned at Adderly, “and I’m especially disappointed in you… tak sayang I betul!”

As she tries to head out, Adderly grabs her trailing hand, pulled her close, looked into her eyes and simply said, “Just sit and listen. Your friends are here to tell you how they feel. The least you can do is just to humor them.”

Sheril looks around at Alif, Aziff, her best friend Joanna and then back to Adderly. She then grudgingly replied; “FINE!” and took a seat.

Alif then came up.

Dear Sheril,

I dont know whether you have a fetish for fan profiles, but I suggest that you stop immediately. This sooner or later will affect You-Know-Who *coughaddcough* and the thing won’t like it. So please stop =)

Love,

Thing

“Oh, bollocks,” replied Sheril as she rolled her eyes.

“I’m next,” declared Aziff.

“Oh, really? How in the world did you become involved in this?”

“Well, listen, and I’ll tell you why,” replied Aziff simply. He then brought out a folded paper from him pocket, slowly opened it and read:

Dear Sheril,

In the recent light of events, it has been noticeable to your 884 Facebook friends on both accounts that you have been avidly becoming fans of various random fan pages which brings no benefits whatsoever to your fellow friends who have to endure the spamming on their home feeds. with immediate request, we ask of you to stop becoming fan of pages unless necessary. it would be advisable to join this fan page named: I need to stop becoming a fan of everything... fan page. To end all fan page adding. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Aziff A.

p/s - Your co-operation is much appreciated.

Sheril was exasperated. She then remembered one of the page that she fanned; “I’m just keeping quiet because I don’t want to argue.”

“My turn!” floats a voice suddenly that brings Sheril back to reality. Everyone looked around and wondered where the voice came from. They looked down, and sure enough, Sheril’s best friend, Joanna Nithya was the one who said it.

Everyone decided to ignored the fact that they didn’t notice Jo immediately lest having a battery shoved in their collective asses.

“Yeah, what do YOU have to say, traitor?” asked Sheril menacingly.

“Shut up and listen,” said Jo as she brought out her piece of paper.

Tengku,

YOU NEED TO REST! :P don’t bother going to the doctor. You stare too long at the computer! That’s why your eyes are itchy and dry!!

“…err, wrong letter for a different intervention,” said Jo as she quickly put away the piece of paper.

“Yeah, smooth, shorty,” and the moment Sheril said that, she laughed to herself, remembering a page she became a fan of titled; ‘Who is shawty? Apparently she has a lot of rapper boyfriends.’

Everyone saw Sheril laughing to herself and almost everyone knows what she’s thinking.

“Minus points for Jo for bringing the wrong letter," said Adderly as he scribbled down in his 555 notebook before continuing; "Faris, your turn,” said Adderly as Faris nodded and stepped forward.

Adderly, Alif, Aziff and Jo collectively facepalmed, as Sheril laughed in amusement.

“Fine, my turn then,” said Adderly as he turned towards his girlfriend and read his letter:

Dear sayang,

You have an addiction, and it’s not only affecting the people who have to look at their newsfeed every single day that you’ve become a fan of more pages, but me.

You see sayang, because of your addiction; I too, have become addicted. I’m addicted to ‘liking’ your activity of becoming a fan of random pages. It sucks sayang, because I almost have to refresh your page every couple of minutes just to make sure that you’ve fanned new pages so I can like them.

I have a problem, and I want to fix it… but it can only happen if you decide to fix your own addiction.

So sayang, what do you say? For us? For all of your friends, yourself, and us?

Please?

Love,

Adderly

Adderly finished reading the letter, called up every one in the room to surround Sheril, looked her in the eye and asked:

“So Sheril, would you PLEASE STOP BECOMING FANS OF RANDOM PAGES?”

Parallel Worlds (Part 1)

2010-03-26T21:55:00.006+08:00

It has been said that for every choice one makes, every path not taken, there is some sort of parallel universe out there where it was exactly the opposite. Most of these reversals of fortune are mundane, of course. The chicken over the steak, wearing blue instead of red - not exactly life altering decisions.

Some, however, would have ramifications that are beyond the scope of imagination. Ramifications on not only one's life, but the lives of those around them. What was one man's destiny could become that of another with a simple twist of fate...

* * *

When the coin showed ‘heads,’ and it was my call, my first instinct was to choose to be the government because we won the semi-finals with a brilliant ‘semi-squirrel’ by defining ‘smoking’ as in ‘smoking marijuana.’ Immediately I wanted to say ‘Government!’ but before I could say it, I coughed.

In that split second that I coughed, I got a glimpse of Nazrin and Vidya. I then remember that I wasn’t the only one in the team, so I took a quick moment, and asked my two teammates would they rather be the government or the opposition, and surely enough, both of them wanted to be the opposition, which I agreed.

When Fina announced that the motion was; “THW Clone Humans,” the decision to consult with my teammates proved to be vindicated; even more so when Iqbal Hafiedz announced “BAS 1” as the winner of the inaugural Independence Cup Debating Championships.

Since that win against Adderly’s BACC team, which was a huge upset, my life was a whirlwind; suddenly everyone knows who I am, look up to me and envious of me. Dare I say, women are starting to pay attention to me as well.

Noel started to hang out with me more; dubbing me as his second coming, and continued to train me, improve my debating skills, and in a way, my lisp seems to be slowly vanishing as well. Life couldn’t be better.

The next tournament was coming and being the ICDC Champion, I was part of the second KBM team with the amazing Jehan and the equally awesome Aiman for NICED at Politeknik Merlimau, Melaka. We were the dark horses for the tournament, and I couldn’t be more confident.

NICED was amazing; I couldn’t believe how instantly I managed to link up and gel with Jehan and Aiman, and our run in the tournament was nothing short of awesome. We won all our preliminaries broke first, beating UNIKL in the quarters to set up a dream semifinal with Noel’s team.

In what was arguably my best performance ever, our team somehow managed to get into the finals of NICED against IIUM – and knowing that we’re already in the finals, there’s no way we’re going to lose; and boy oh boy, we won, and now I’m a 2-time debating champion.

Months just fly by, and being in consecutive tournaments; GSD where I got more exposure and I’ve slowly but surely becoming one of the best debaters in KBM, and dare I say, better than Noel. The proof of this is when my team with Alif defied all odds and went to the finals of the VC Cup. Although we didn’t win, I managed to further my legacy in the debating community.

“Hey Bobo!”

My reputation continues to grow, and I’m becoming better than ever. I’m becoming more well-known in the debating community and everyone seems to fear facing “Bobo” in any debate match – this is proven in SCDC when my team with Suffian and Noel managed to go to the semi-finals of the tournament.

Another semi-final appearance in National Novice and a quarterfinal appearance in MDO further making me one of the best and my confidence growing and looking ahead, I really do have a bright future ahead. The possibility is endless.

* * *

A familiar story that isn't that familiar. The players are the same, the stage set exactly as it was before, and yet... not quite right. All determined by fate's toss of a coin.

Of course, there are always two sides to every coin...

to be continued…

Finest Hour

2010-03-25T17:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, while driving back home from work; the weather was scorching (what else is new), so I lowered my windows, and drove with sufficient speed (read: very, very fast) to have the wind blast my face for cooling purposes, and while enjoying the breeze, I got into thinking of how 2010 has turned out so far.

At the risk of sounding arrogant (ha!), I can’t help but think back to 2009; and how 2009 was arguably my best year ever. As you can read from my 2009 year in review, October 2009 in particular was my finest hour. Last year it appears as if I’ve reached the top of the mountain.

I was acknowledged to be the best student in my batch, I have great friends all around, I won 2 debating championships – which led to the formation of Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, despite us eventually breaking up, Amal and I had a good run being together as a couple, financially I was very stable, and my approval rating was at it’s highest.

It’s unfortunate however, that looking at 2010 so far, I’ve been a disappointment. My previous exam results wasn’t the best; I’m still, say, top 10 of my batch, but the fact that I didn’t get on the Dean’s List last semester effectively closed the door shut on my dreams of getting the elusive ANC. Gah.

Other than that, the mediocrity continues in debating tournament as well; as a tame effort in SCDC rendered my team at the bottom half of the pile, followed by Novice where we should’ve done better and MDO where I screwed things up there.

Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band isn’t really alive and kicking like it was back in September and October last year and I’ve drifted apart from my circle of close friends (note: Congrats to Suraya for her baby – which I barely found out from Yana, which further proves my distance with my CCF).

Me at work is also far from excellence; and I seem to just go through the motions every day; a far cry from promising Afifnabiha how I would kick ass and show the people at the office what I’m made of. On that note, I do think of her from time to time and miss her greatly.

That is also the perfect segue into my relationship with Amal and how our relationship has diminished, even with the promise of staying friends no matter what. I miss her too.

So 2010 doesn’t seem as promising as 2009 was, where it was my finest hour.

However, the fact that right now I have Sheril as my girlfriend and the fact that she managed to convince me that I’m not a mediocre boyfriend shows that right now, as long as I have her, nothing else really matters.

So while 2010 have been a major disappointment on my part, having Sheril by my side is indeed a highlight and probably right now, being with her is my finest hour.

Smile

2010-03-24T19:50:00.001+08:00

You're better then the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right

“If you’re not gay, then you should be able to open this bottle.”

“Haha, no problem… ouch!”

“Yeah, he went, I’m not gay and then ‘ouch’… smooth”

“Here you go.”

“Thank you, I think you earned a kiss for that.”

- December 31^st, 2009

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me,

Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok

And the moments where my good times start to fade

“I love hearing your voice… and I’m embarrassed to have actually admitted that.”

- January 6^th, 2010

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

“Personally I just enjoy your company, a lot, and I love spending time with you… and to a certain extent, I do love you. But at the same time, I’ve never expected us to develop into a relationship because that’ll just complicate things… I like the way we are and I don’t wanna change anything. But I will be upset when you get a girlfriend and things have to change between us. But till then, I’m pretty happy.”

- January 16^th, 2010

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

“I miss you when I’m not with you, I constantly want to be with you, when I’m with you I wanna be closer to you…”

- January 26^th, 2010

Even when you're gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

“… for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t feel this way if I didn’t really love you… OMG, I said it.”

- January 27^th, 2010

Don't know how I lived without you

Cuz every time that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

“It’s not like I would say it to your face or anything; but every time I see you walk towards me, it feels like my heart’s about to jump outta my throat. I feel the electricity run through me when you touch me. Kissing you makes me happy and sad at the same time because I finally know how you feel about me, but I know the moment will have to end. Being in your arms makes me feel giddy with content, and I consistently think of ways to show you how much I love being with you, but it never seems enough…

… I don’t know how else to tell you I love you.”

- February 16^th, 2010

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

“In the mess we call space and time, where for art thou that I call mine? My darling – though I know where you may be, nothing doth compare as when thou is next to me.”

“I’m missing you as the seconds go by; I still remember my last glance of your face. Minute later I’m still wondering why, the passing of time slows as I count the days. Oh my dear, if I could send you a hug or a kiss, it would send me into a whirlwind of bliss. But let me count the ways how, I wish I could be there with you now.”

- March 17^th, 2010

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… I love you,”

- March 24^th, 2010

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Never Knew I Needed

2010-03-23T19:51:00.006+08:00

Sometimes even the best laid plans can fail; and there’s nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can plan every detail of your life try to stick to that one road that you’ve prepared yourself to go to, yet sometimes, more often than not, by no fault of your own, you find yourself out of the road that you’ve envisioned to take initially.

If you’re lucky, that detour could be the best thing to happen to you.

For the way you changed my plans

For being the perfect distraction

For the way you took the idea that I have

Of everything that I wanted to have

And made me see there was something missing

Looking ahead at New Year’s 2010 on New Year’s Eve while still in my office, I wondered what was ahead of me; I foresaw that the next couple of months would be cold and lonely (obviously I wasn’t taking into consideration the Malaysian heat wave) and suffice to say, while I was willing to accept it; I wasn’t really, truly happy.

This story has been exhausted before, and I’m sure most of you have heard it before; but coming home from work that day, I got a very important message (which I didn’t know at the time), and it forever altered the course of my life.

For the ending of my first begin

And for the rare and unexpected friend

I was mesmerized; I was amazed at how beautiful, albeit loud, this girl was. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her for the whole duration of the night. She was simply amazing.

Of course, the night ended and I thought that that was probably the last that I would see her, and oh how wrong I was.

For the way you're something that I never choose

But at the same time something I don't wanna lose

And never wanna be without ever again

She was never meant to come and steal my heart; that was never the plan. My heart was with someone else. Yet somehow, in an amazing feat, she somehow managed to retrieve my heart, and make it her own. From that moment on, I knew that I couldn’t bear to be apart from her.

My accidental happily ever after

The way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)

I must admit you were not a part of my book

But now if you open it up and take a look

You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

It’s funny to think how in a matter of less than four months, she has quickly cemented herself as one of the, if not the most important person to me right now.

The fact that I wake up cranky on the mornings that I didn’t really get the chance to talk to her the night before, and that I miss her more than anything in the world, when she’s apart from me – even when I just saw her, the fact that she makes me smile just by telling me how much she loves me and how it warms my heart shows how much of an affect she has on me.

Who'd knew that I'd be here

So unexpectedly

Undeniably happy

I’m never one for PDA – yet somehow she managed to make me break all the moulds, throw away the so-called plans that I have for myself, drive off the roadway into the beaten track, into the unknown, and make a believer out of me.

Just like my post here today, I typed the first word and just let go, and let the words flow out of me, and just like the effect she has on me; I just learn to let go, learn to open up myself, learn to love again.

You're the best thing I never knew I needed

So when you were here I had no idea

You're the best thing I never knew I needed

So now it's so clear I need you here always

Baby baby

Now it's so clear I need you here always

Thank you Sheril (si comel) :)

“I Smile Because You Exist”

I Do My Thing

2010-03-20T17:33:00.003+08:00

It’s that time of the year again; a time that would make someone like me very happy, while the rest of the world just act nonchalantly because it doesn’t really interest them. What am I talking about? It’s none other than Wrestlemania XXVI in Phoenix, AZ this weekend.

A collective sound of people clicking their ‘back’ button or basically people getting out of my blog is heard as I prepare for my Wrestlemania prediction column.

Wrestlemania is this weekend, and I have Wrestlemania fever because the build-up to this year’s ‘Granddaddy of ‘em all’ has been great. So without further ado, here are my predictions and take on this year’s event.

(Cue cricket sounds as no one else is reading this)

The Unified World Tag-Team Championship Match

The Miz & Big Show (c) v John Morrison & R-Truth

This match is a year in the making; essentially the blow-off to the Miz-JoMo feud. It’s funny to think that just a year ago Miz and Morrison were on the same team trying to win the titles in a dark-match in Wrestlemania XXV. The thrown together team of Truth and Morrison have been impressive of late, outsmarting and outmaneuvering the team of ShowMiz to show their credibility as a real tag team to win the titles from ShowMiz.

Who I think would win: The Miz & Big Show

Who I want to win: The Miz & Big Show

Street Fight w/Straight Edge Stipulations

CM Punk v Rey Mysterio

CM Punk has been nothing short of impressive with his mic work these past couple of months, playing pseudo-Jesus with his “I’m straight-edge, which means that I’m better than you!” and his feud with Mysterio promises to be amazing. His rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ to Rey’s daughter was so creepy, it was awesome. However, the stipulations of saying if Rey loses the match Rey has to join Punk and his Straight Edge Society does make the outcome of this match predictable.

Who I think would win: Rey Mysterio

Who I want to win: CM Punk

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

Kane v Kofi Kingston v Evan Bourne v MVP v Christian v Dolph Ziggler v Shelton Benjamin v Jack Swagger v Matt Hardy v Drew McIntyre

The last minute addition of Kofi Kingston into this match really makes it hard to predict a winner. Almost everyone has a case on why they could win this match. The favorite has got to be Kingston, MVP, Christian and McIntyre. Let’s face it, while Matt is over with the crowd, I don’t think the management would want him to actually win it; same goes for Benjamin who has the charisma of a rock (a, not ‘The’) and is only there because he is there for the excitement, which can also be applied to Evan Bourne. Dolph’s push, along with Swagger's have been halted for a while now, and they’re not going to win it, and Kane is only there to add another dimension as a big man. Tough call here.

Who I think would win: Kofi Kingston

Who I want to win: Christian

No Holds Barred Match

Bret Hart v Vince McMahon

This is a match that is 13-years in the making. The build-up of this feud has been handled well. Since Vince screwed Bret 13 years ago at Survivor Series, few would think that Hart would return to compete in a WWE/F ring ever again. But here it is now, and with the feud intertwined with the Cena-Batista feud, this should be a great match up for the old-school fans. However, with Bret Hart’s medical condition, this isn’t going to be the typical Hart wrestling clinic and I doubt that it’s going to be a classic, but just an old-fashioned brawl. It’s not going to be pretty, but it sure as hell could be fun and would be a great send-off for Bret Hart.

Who I think would win: Bret Hart

Who I want to win: Bret Hart

Career v Streak Falls Count and Submissions Only

The Undertaker v Shawn Michaels

Their match last year at Wrestlemania XXV was an instant classic, and I thoroughly enjoyed their match. Now HBK v ‘Taker II is upon us, there’s even more at stake now. Shawn Michaels’ illustrious career versus Undertaker’s phenomenal undefeated record which currently stands at 17-0, and it doesn’t get any bigger than that. Personally, I don’t think that the streak should be ended – it should be Mark Callaway’s legacy when he retires; which shouldn’t be long now. So that means Michaels’ illustrious career would come to an end. If he does retire, I really hope that he would honor his word and not wrestle again; unlike someone else *cough*Flair*cough*

Who I think would win: The Undertaker

Who I want to win: The Undertaker

Singles Match

Triple H v Sheamus

I was one of the few people who were happy when Sheamus won the WWE Title from Cena December last year, but alas, his reigned was brought to an end for the Cena-Batista feud. Sheamus with the title against H would make more sense; but what they did in this feud, going with the newcomer v established name to make a name out for himself is an okay move and can give the fans a reason to care for this match. Let’s just hope that H doesn’t squash his work out buddy and give Sheamus the rub to be the next big star in WWE.

Who I think would win: Triple H

Who I want to win: Sheamus

Triple Threat Match

Ted DiBiase v Randy Orton v Cody Rhodes

This match culminates the final blowup of Legacy. This should be an interesting match up with Orton as a heel against DiBiase and Rhodes. I won’t rule out a swerve somewhere here; possibly Rhodes siding with Orton to beat DiBiase and turning the latter face. However, I do hope that DiBiase and Rhodes stay together as a cohesive unit because WWE need more good and credible tag teams.

Who I think would win: Randy Orton

Who I want to win: Ted DiBiase

WWE Championship Match

Batista (c) v John Cena

The build up to this feud has also been solid. I’ve never really liked Batista before his heel turn. His heel turn has given him a new dimension to his character and is better because of it. This feud also has shown that John Cena can be weak and not necessarily the ‘Super Cena’ that the IWC hated. This match wouldn’t be a wrestling classic, but the atmosphere should be electrifying. Believe me or not, I’m looking forward to a Batista and a Cena match. Gasp.

Who I think would win: John Cena

Who I want to win: Batista

World Heavyweight Championship Match

Chris Jericho (c) v Edge

This is undoubtedly my favorite match of the entire card. Maybe I’m biased because I’m a huge Jericho fan and a decent supporter of Copeland’s work. The build up have been centered on Edge’s spear, and while it hasn’t been the best finisher to base a feud on, it still work in my biased eyes. So, it’s the Ultimate Opportunist; Edge versus the Best in the World; Chris Jericho. I’m looking forward to it more than anything.

Who I think would win: Edge

Who I want to win: Chris Jericho

So ends my prediction column for today. I hope you enjoyed it.

*cricket sounds*

Heart Shaped Box

2010-03-15T17:22:00.000+08:00

Miracles don’t happen often, some people go through their lives wishing for something seemingly impossible to happen to them. It doesn’t happen often, and almost impossible to have it happen, yet on the rare chance that it actually do happen, people call it a miracle. When a ‘miracle’ occurs, it sure is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

Most miracles come in the form of success stories or dreams coming true. From fulfilling a childhood dream; an example that comes to my mind is when Shawn Michaels beat his bitter rival Bret Hart in an hour-long Iron Man match at Wrestlemania XII to fulfill his boyhood dream of being the WWF Champion.

Another form of miracle is how the underdog manages to beat the odds, in a Cinderella-esque story to win the biggest prize of them all. Another wrestling example would come in the form of Rey Mysterio (who, for the record, I dislike), managed to overcome the odds to beat the evil Randy Orton and the then formidable champion in Kurt Angle to win his first ever World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 22.

Despite the wrestling references, this isn’t really going to be a wrestling post; although it must be said that with Wrestlemania around the corner, I’m really starting to get into the Wrestlemania fever – not as a smark, but as a fan… but oh, how much I digress.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, some people go through their lives hoping for something special to happen, to have that one moment happen that can define their lives and make them happy, make them whole again.

Of course, some may argue that by doing that, we’re asking too much of one moment to define one’s lives and is just short-sighted. I must admit that I’m one of those people who is more pragmatic about that – though a case can be made that I would mark like a little girl if by some miracle, one of my ‘dreams’ come true.

Today however, is not about me.

There’s someone who have been in constant pain for the past couple of months, someone who despite being told that her dream couldn’t pan out no matter what she believed in, still took a stand and decided to hold onto her dream, no matter how it ached her to the core of her heart.

She hit rock bottom, yet tried to put on a very weak and transparent façade; which to someone who have mastered his façade, looks very ridiculous but still went through her every day with a huge hole in her heart. Yeah, she may appear like a ‘zombie’ but she still fought through it.

In a way, she looks so weak for a long time; that it almost made her look strong.

After all that she went through, clawing and scratching and crying and trying her hardest to keep her sanity intact, she somehow managed to have her dream fulfilled. Now, I don’t know the details, nor do I know what’s really going on, but I do know one thing, that frown has turned upside down – and in a way probably related to what she always wanted.

Maybe I’m just making baseless assumptions here, but as far as I know she’s significantly happy today than she was, say, 2 weeks ago? I guess, at this moment, that’s all that matters, right?

For someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, everyone has seen her at her lowest and hopefully now, we can see her back at her highest – mostly because so that I can bahan her without worrying that she would suddenly burst into tears anymore.

Also, if you’re reading this (which I know you would), don’t forget, you promised to belanja me makan besar, and I’ll hold you to it, Fasya.

Office

2010-03-13T05:15:00.003+08:00

One of my favorite TV shows aside from How I Met Your Mother is The Office. It’s one of those shows that you either really like it, or you just don’t get it. I especially like the mockumentary theme to it and the comedy in the show – while some people wouldn’t enjoy, is something that I actually really do like.

Due to certain reasons (read: EZTV website crashing), I haven’t really been downloading the show mainly because I thought that it was still in hiatus. Lo and behold, it’s not, and I’ve missed 3 episodes of it.

I watched it while having my dinner, and here are one a few quotes from episode 18 (St. Patrick’s Day) that tickled my fancy; which of course while some of you might not find it funny, I do. So yeah (maybe this is just an excuse to post a blog, but still).

Michael: Hello, hello! Top of the morning to ya! Woohoo! Green M&M’s! Nature’s Viagra!

Michael: It is St. Patrick’s Day, and here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish would get to Christmas.

Dwight: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass have been away for maternity leave. Now that Tweedle Dumbass is back, we have a problem!

Michael: I don’t care if you’re a loser or you practice bestiality. If Jo likes you, you are in. And I’m in.

Andy: Erin Go Bragh!

Erin: Andy Go Bragh to you! Nice kilt!

Andy: Thanks, it’s actually my sister’s old field hockey skirt.

Andy: Erin and I have our first date tonight and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to How I Met Your Mother, that's the date that your kids are gonna wait patiently to hear about and you better have a good story for them.

Dwight: They say that no man is an island. FALSE. I am an island and this island is volcanic; and it is about to erupt with the molten hot lava... of STRATEGY!

Dwight: Must be amazing being a father, right? Miracle of life?

Jim: It is, big time.

Dwight: That baby is discovering a whole wide world right now.

Jim: It’s pretty amazing.

Dwight: What up is, what down is. Who mum is, who dad is… must be tough being here with all that going on.

Jim: Oh, it’s tough being here for a lot of reasons.

Dwight: I mean, you’re here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is his father.

Jim: Is that what happened to you?

Dwight looks offended

Dwight: I’ll tell you what happened to me, I didn’t see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father and my wet nurse was my mother.

Jim: That’s a common mistake.

Packer: (on the phone with Michael from a bar) Dude, I've been here since three. I've boot and rallied twice.

Michael: How's the lady situation?

Packer: Fat and ugly—you might actually have a chance.

Michael: Ah, damn, that sounds great. Unfortunately, I am stuck here because my boss is making us work late.

Packer: Oh, here's what you do: hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls, and come meet me!

Michael: Eh, maybe next year.

Packer: Maybe next queer.

* * *

I could go on, but it’s already 5 am, and I think I better sleep. Maybe I’m too afraid to sleep? Ugh.

It’s funny, looking back at how a couple of hours these lines made me laugh so hard (really, you have to watch it to get the context of most of these jokes) I damn near spit out my drink. However, now, I guess some things aren’t just as funny anymore.

Oh, who am I kidding myself?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

More Human Than Human

2010-03-12T21:52:00.000+08:00

What I’ve learned from the post-breakup with Syazana early 2006 is that I shouldn’t be alone with my thoughts – ever. I know the story of me and her have been well-documented, so I won’t go into the details of the story, but being ‘alone’ for most parts after the storied breakup is what led to me hitting rock bottom.

When alone with my thoughts – which was a lot back then, simply because there’s barely anyone there for me but I digress, was always detrimental to me. In a sense, I would always end of over thinking stuff that shouldn’t even cross my mind in the first place. I guess that was mainly due to the spell that was put on me by Syazana at that time.

Suffice to say, the over thinking led to me making many, many, MANY stupid decisions which I still cringe when thinking about until this very day. Looking back, if I could go back in time, I probably would smack myself for being so.fucking.stupid.

However, I did manage to snap out of that spell, and it led me to be a stronger person because of it, it led me to fall in love with Jaslina (another story that has been told a million times), and basically turn me into who I am today.

So what’s the whole point of me saying all these? Is there a point somewhere or am I just being nostalgic just for the sake of being nostalgic?

I guess a little bit of both to be honest.

Pre-Syazana and up until yesterday’s post, my closest and oldest friends could see my transformation. From the hated guy in high school to this arrogant bastard who thinks that he’s too good for UITM to a whipped and needy boyfriend of Syazana to a depressed and mentally unstable guy because of Syazana to a guy working to pick himself up and being honored as ‘Tokoh Pelajar’ – and that’s only diploma.

Degree rolls around and I am this confident guy (short of arrogance) who was madly in love with a girl who he was never going to be with who then found happiness in an amazing Amal who managed to put me above anything else before my evolution into a debater changed me again and ruined that relationship with Amal before an incident in August 2009 made me stop being a romantic, and turned into a self-proclaimed ‘KBM Royalty.’

I’m not going to spend another paragraph on my changes, but you get the idea, right?

So what kind of guy I am now? Apparently a happy one; as I’m sure most people would point out (read: the girlfriend). However, a closer inspection; especially through my last two posts would indicate otherwise.

Right now, despite the fact that I barely get angry anymore; I’m running low on confidence – a far cry of the cocky Adderly that won two debating championships and proud of it (seems like ages ago, huh?) and who ‘just shows up.’

While some of you may think that my transformations have been fascinating (Ha!), most of you, myself included don’t really care think that it has been extremely redundant and in my case, really frustrating.

My point? I guess it’s human to change and in a sense, I am human, probably more human than human.

Kick in the Door

2010-03-11T13:20:00.001+08:00

I’ve been doing a lot of ‘creative (a word I use loosely) writing’ lately that I can understand if some people are sick of it – not that I would pander to them anyways; but yeah, I can fathom how some people would be bored (understatement) with my blog lately.

You know what I haven’t done in a while? A rant. Yeah, I know I’ve mentioned this before – my lack of rant is due to my lack of anger and all, but I really miss doing a good ol’ fashioned rant. I mean, reading Omar’s blog with all his rants reminds me of how my blog was almost rant-exclusive back in the day (read: 2009).

As I’ve said; my lack of rant is due to my lack of anger. I mean, the phrase “just let it slide” have been synonymous to me nowadays. I’ve been in situations where people are starting to get angry and I just told them to let it slide. Heck, I’ve been in situations where I feel like blowing up, but I told myself to just let it slide.

One question needs to be answered though, where do you draw the line? I mean, yeah, I’ve been somewhat mellow these past couple of months; even before Sheril even entered my life, mind you – so no “he’s happy because of the girlfriend” theories, but I digress, and really, I have no idea why.

The last time I was all-emo-angry (I know this because of reading my old blogpost back in September) was when I had a panic attack post-NICED with all the tests, quizzes, presentations piling up in front of me like a horrible train wreck, and I snapped at Maryam and Haizat.

Anyways, back to the question; where do you draw the line?

Where do I draw the line?

Surely that it’s only a matter of time before I explode yet again? Because let’s face it, Adderly being uber-angry isn’t really something that you, anyone or even myself would want to see; and I’m not saying that in an arrogant manner or with a sense of entitlement either; I’m just saying that it wouldn’t be pretty.

I mean, I’ve been attacked, ridiculed, called names, being unfairly targeted and at the risk of sounding like a little girl, basically having my feelings hurt (boo-freaking-hoo), and I haven’t really retaliated like Adderly of the old would easily have done without even so much of a thought… and it’s full if malicious intent to boot.

So what do I really set out to accomplish by posting this today? Honestly nothing. I mean, like I said earlier, I’ve been reading Omar’s blog; and his rants in his blog made me miss ranting about something again.

Also, maybe when push comes to shove, and there’s that fire in my eyes, I would kick that door open, and you know that Adderly has arrived – and it’s not a good sight.

… or maybe I’ll just let it slide again, because quite frankly, that’s the guy I seem to be now.

Only the Strong

2010-03-09T13:21:00.000+08:00

I cannot live up to the expectations. I have worked and suffered under this weight of guilt. I have tried, time and time again. My failures are not from lack of trying, but from loss of inspiration. I have nothing to show. After biding and planning and scheming. I have no words, I have but this apology.

After weeks and weeks of build up, I am but a reminder that through times of duress, weaker men do falter. Weaker men do fail and become so humbled by their experience that their imagination and their love for their art escape from their grasp.

It is in these times of rising expectation; I cannot help but reason that it is impossible to satisfy any desire of men. For in this world of mass communicated knowledge, one cannot help but fall short of anything and everything one seeks out to accomplish. Could it be not possible that no matter what is accomplished, be past, present of future, it would all be but in vain. All would be guilty of simple mediocrity.

I screwed up for my team and the reason we didn’t break. That’s all I’m going to say about MDO 2010.

Need You Now

2010-03-03T13:26:00.002+08:00

"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor"

December 31st, 2009.

I entered my room, quickly stripping out of my work clothes; hating the fact that the clothes that I wear, how I used to really love wearing them, now reminds me so much of work, that I can’t help but to take it off quickly.

The saving grace here is that a 3-day weekend is ahead of me and that I just got my first ever allowance. It’s not much, but I guess, I earned it… sort of. I guess now I can buy the external hard disk that I’ve always wanted. The space in my laptop is getting scarce each day with new downloads everyday and all.

Speaking of which, I quickly turned on my laptop and ready to go online. This is basically what I do everyday. Wake up at 6-plus am, work from 8am until 5pm and then stay online until bed time. Rinse and repeat.

Almost immediately after signing in to my Facebook and Yahoo! Messenger, I got a buzz from good ol’ Noel. Oh how I miss hanging out and laughing with him… or laughing at him, whichever situation applies more.

He told me that he’s in KL with Faris and Rosal, and wondered whether I wanted to join them in celebrating new years together with them. I took a moment to process the sudden invitation by Noel; because let’s face it, he always pull these kinds of things, letting people know last minute and stuff.

So I weighed the options; I mean, if I go, I get to have fun – and I just got my allowance, so that would be fun. On the other hand, knowing how last minute this is, if I go, and somehow Noel falls through on picking me up, I’ll be stranded in KL – which is so not worth the trouble.

I then kept on bugging Noel to ask him for details of the plan for tonight. He’s late at replying my messages, and I need to be quick if I want to be in KL ASAP.

I pondered and Noel just gave me non-committal answers. I took a deep breath, and told Noel; “Dude, I don’t think I can make it; I’m tired from work, and its so last minute, I really don’t think I can join you guys tonight.”

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now"

January 1st, 2010.

I woke up around 9am on the New Year. Well, last night sure was boring. I barely did anything, just sat at home and stayed online until midnight – at which I slept almost immediately because I was still tired from work.

Amal and I had yet another heart to heart conversation last night; and if it’s not for the fact that I fell asleep while texting her (yet again), maybe we could’ve gotten back together. But it’s funny how things turn out.

Speaking of my sleep; I had a weird dream last night; I dreamt that I was eating nasi lemak.

"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"

January 7th, 2010.

So here I am, yet again, online at home without anything better to do. I browsed through Facebook, and out of sheer boredom, helped Faris in his Mafia Wars mission. Also, a Social Interview question helped me bahan Fasya and Faris joined in on the bahan.

I then took the time to write on Faris’ wall; asking him when is Southern Cup. He then proceeded to tell me that it was this weekend. It would be in UTHM. It’s a shame, because if it’s anywhere near KL, I probably would come to visit them.

I asked about the teams; and he explained how the first team would consist of Noel, Suffian and Hafeez – which surprises me because I thought he, like me, was also in his practical training. I wondered whether I could’ve gone as well. Faris would lead the second team with Bobo and Alif, and then there’s Azim’s team and Rosal’s team.

Knowing that Alif would be there guaranteed a lot of pictures; none of which would be of mine or anything I could be a part of – which could very well lead to something ‘inspiring.’

Faris then wondered whether I wanted to come due to the lack of adjudicators in KBM, but seeing that I have never adjudicated before and trying to skip work last minute would cause problems; I declined the offer.

"I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time"

February 19th -21st, 2010.

Wow, so I’m back in the debating scene. Back debating again after almost a 4-month hiatus. I’m rusty beyond words; and almost like a beginner debater again. Well, I guess it’s not bad that I’m starting back at National Novice (teaming with Azim and Shariha), because seeing my performance in the first two rounds (which we lost both); bad adjudication aside, I was horrible.

So, now I’m back at the hall, waiting for the next round to commence. Azim and Sha are out doing whatever it is their doing, and I’m sitting alone. I looked around and Noel, Rosal, Fina and Faris are talking to one of the UT Mara girls. I can’t remember her name; because let’s face it; I’m never good at names.

They referred themselves as ‘The Ghetto,’ whatever that means. I can’t help but to take regular glances at her, because she’s very cute.

As for the rest of the tournament, we actually managed to win a few rounds, especially since I’ve become rust-free since round three; and almost back to my debating best. It’s unfortunate however, that we failed to break. Well, no KBM team break in Novice and it was disappointing.

As for the girl, I can’t help but keep staring at her from a distance. We talked a few times, but that’s about it. Besides, she seems to be all over Rosal this whole tournament.

Some guys have all the luck.

"And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now"

February 26th, 2010.

Today is a holiday, a Friday and a holiday. The last 3-day weekend for me before March, April and May rolls along without any public holiday.

It’s a shame that I’m staying at home this weekend when I could be doing something great instead… like what?

* * *

Dear Sayang,

This is what my life could easily turn out should I decided against celebrating New Years. If you ever, EVER think that your life is insignificant; think again. Think about how significantly different my life is because of you.

Funny how things turn out, right?

Don't You Wish You Were Me?

2010-02-28T19:17:00.011+08:00

Hello, my name is Steffan Ezra. Adderly is, well, unavailable right now, and I managed access into his laptop and blog – and basically, his life. So while Adderly is, ehem, unavailable right now, I figure that I might just as well delve into the enigma that is Adderly – see what’s really been going on with him for the past couple of days; weeks even.

So without further ado, I would like to welcome each and every one of you to the first ever (and hopefully not the last) SES-IT! (Steffan Ezra Shah Sees It!)

An interesting piece of news came about couple of days ago in Facebook, and I’m sure most of you have seen this already, and if you’re wondering what is it that I’m yapping about, it’s about this:

Now, I’m sure most of you know that Adderly isn’t really the kind of guy that would fall in love with easily. Yes, there’s the whole Jaslina episode back then that somewhat pegged him down, but that aside, he hasn’t really been in love.

Why? I’m sure that some would argue that this is because of the hell that he went through while being with Farah Syazana, who almost single-handedly ruined his life a couple of years back. Oh speaking of which; lookie what I found:

Interesting stuff indeed.

Anyways, enough digressing, another theory could be the fact that he just loves the thrill of the chase – and that being in a relationship isn’t something that he can deal with. He always seems to find trouble keeping or holding onto a relationship for more than 3 months or so. He hasn’t been in a long-term relationship – ever. Why? Maybe he’s still scarred, and maybe he just needs to grow up, who knows?

To find out the possible reason for this, an acquaintance of Adderly (who at this time would remain anonymous) was called and was asked the question on why she thought Adderly couldn’t hold onto a long-term relationship.

She said that she thinks that the reason Adderly couldn’t hold onto a long-term relationship is because he won’t allow himself to fall in love when in relationships.

To me, that answer is spot on because in my opinion, Adderly has, indeed close himself and avoid making the mistake of falling in love because of two reasons:

He has this absurd thinking that being in love means being weak and the fact that he was completely annihilated by Farah Syazana when he adored her during the diploma years – and showed weakness.
He thinks that his love with Jaslina was the greatest loving feeling he has ever tasted and in essence, replicating it would just be plain wrong.

However, as time passed, as the current 2010 version of Adderly is now, I don’t think that the two problems should be well, a problem to him anymore. Why?

As you can see above, he already got over the whole Syazana debacle and is even friends with her (albeit only in Facebook, but you’ll take whatever you’re given), and shows that he has moved on from that incident.
This is the main problem that disrupted his relationship with Amalina back then, because there’s always the lingering question of whether he could actually get over the great Jaslina; and you know what, as of June 2009, he got his closure from Jaslina – and that shows that he’s moving on yet again.

And if you still question whether he can be exclusive to anyone, well look no further than this:

There’s no bigger approval than that ladies and gentlemen.

So in a nutshell, I think that Adderly has indeed learned from the past. Yes, he may still be afraid of commitment, but then again, the fact that he’s in a relationship shows that he’s taking the first step to a better love-life for himself. I think that alone deserve a pat in the back, because you’ve got to start somewhere, right?

Because I think that he’s raring to take that leap – he just needed someone who would believe in him.

Okay, now that we’ve gone passed the issue at hand, let’s mess around for a bit. Let’s be honest, this post would either be an epic fail or an epic win. So if the former happens, I might not be able to appear in this blog again, so I might as well use this opportunity to delve in and find whatever secrets that Adderly has and is holding back against you fine people.

*ransacking Adderly’s laptop*

Oh! Look, I found something that I’m sure Adderly wouldn’t want you to find in a million years!

His model photo shoots!

I don’t know about you, but I find the pictures hilarious.

Oh, look, I also found something else. This looks promising indeed. Now, I’m going to leave you fine people with this last piece of private information that Adderly tried to conceal. Hopefully I get to see you again next time, but if not, it was a pleasure exposing Adderly for who he really is. So, here’s the secret he’s hiding, a letter. See ya!

* * *

Dear S,

It’s been a week since I’ve seen you – and also a week since I’ve known you, but why is it that it feels like I’ve known you for a long time already? We’ve only started talking to each other for more or less a week, and right now, I feel as if I’ve known you for years.

Ever since we started talking to each other, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone else lest no one else would be as fun to talk to as talking to you. I love the fact that you can match wits with me unlike any other and how you always have a respond to almost everything I have to say.

Because of that, I feel like I’m growing attached to you; and I wait in anticipation for your every text message that would bring a smile to my face every day; and every day you never disappoint me. So attached am I to you that when you told me that night that you were going to SCDC, I couldn’t really get proper sleep; and I told myself that I needed to be there too so that I can see you again – so the next day I practically begged the lecturer to allow me to join the tournament.

When I finally did arrive in UTHM, you still haven’t arrived. I waited in anticipation for you, barely listening to the briefing in the hall. When the briefing ended, I knew that you were outside, but suddenly, my heart is beating faster than I could remember. I couldn’t believe that I was going to see you again – only for the second time.

I was afraid that you would have built me up in your head so much that I would disappoint you when you actually see me. I was tired at the time and looking like crap, so I quickly pulled Bobo to join me to find a bathroom, secretly hoping that when I get out of the bathroom, you won’t be there anymore and that at least I have one more night to compose myself.

Of course, destiny; who have been all the way with us wouldn’t allow such hogwash, and the moment Faris stepped aside, I saw you.

I know this sounds cliché and I rarely do cliché, but at that moment, especially when it comes to you, even now, it’s as if time goes faster and slower at the same time. It’s like while walking to you, everything is in slow motion and that it’s like the background suddenly turn black and white, the noises of the people drown out by my total focus on you, vividly in color, unlike everyone else. Then suddenly, time turns fast again because while it took me (what I thought) ages to walk to you, I suddenly have you in an embrace.

It shocked me because you’re still as beautiful as I remembered you to be, and that I actually have you in my arms again. But of course, my constant over-thinking of things (just like New Years) led to my downfall because you weren’t feeling the embrace that I actually wanted to give you.

The moment you turned away from me, pretending to sulk, I can’t help but to smirk, I can see how amazing you are and how I want to spend a lot of time with you; every second counts.

But of course, I am Adderly after all; I never make things easy, even for myself.

I continued to smirk and tease you and act all nonchalant around you because that’s what I do – I never make things easy for anyone. But of course, if only you knew, how my heart jumps for joy at the sight of you and teasing you is my way of telling you how grateful I am that you’re not just going to walk away for good.

I’m happy that no matter how many times I attempt to push you away; I still can find you safely in my arms.

If only you knew.

Not that I would say it to your face or anything;